One has to wonder about the realities of the universe someitmes. My philosophy class forces it sometimes.

You see, you go into class, and then hear about these inane theories. That gives you a lot of time to think about something else. After about a month, you run out of ideas for dinners you’re not actually going to cook anyway, and instead have to go about thinking about the universe.

I think I see now what those religious nuts are saying. There is some sense to the argument that god was the “first mover” of the universe. Or, at least, the first BOWEL mover….

I think that God farted out the universe.

Think about it!

At the big bang, the universe, which was gasious and extremely hot, rapidly expanded from (many scientists believe) a BLACK HOLE.

After a period of time, it cooled (just as farts do) and began to form into larger chunks of matter. (NOTE: If I were a more fundamentallist religious person, i’d have to give more credit to God, and in fact say that we were formed from one of those jucey-sorta-chunkey poopie farts, because god would’ve had to have started matter grouping)

On some of those chunks of matter, the building blocks of life were found and then they combined. Well, whatever I fart out is gas that has hung out with a whole heck of a lot of stuff that WAS living and has since been broken down; it only makes sense that the building blocks of life were there.

So then, after all that, mankind evolved.

I went to a Catholic school, so I learned a fair bit about all this stuff, and one of the things that I learned was that one of the things that makes mankind special is the way that he can, in limited ways, immitate god. So, next time you feel like saying a prayer to the great creator, eat some beans, go over to a friends house, and let him say, “Holy Shit!” for you. It’s easier, and still lets God know people are thinking about him.

My theory also helps explain why there’s evil in the universe. God isn’t paying attention. He had to leave his farting ways behind so he could get with Mary, and hasn’t been back since.