Soup of the Day

So mark knopfler has released a new album, Get Lucky. I haven’t been fortunate enough to get my hands on it, but the bits I’ve heard are fantastic. It’s still different from the Straits’ stuff, but that’s okay. Both sounds are unique and excellent in their own right. However, as someone’s put it before, he could release an album of assorted nails on chalk boards and I’d line up for it.

But, like with most bands, a new album means a new tour. On April 29th, 2010 The Sultan’ll be swinging around Toronto and play at Massey hall, a short walk from Union Station. So. That’s where I’ll be on that awesome April night.

Day 1 – 2 In The Beginning, It Was Boring.

Well, after downloading the Game, and installing all the patches required to play I jumped into the most convenient PVP realm, and began my character creation.There are an unlimited, or seemingly unlimited, (read: Unlimited enough) amount of characters you can have on any one account which is an absolutely awesome feature if you ask me. Which you did.

You can choose one of two sides, Horde or Alliance, to take up arms for. The Alliance are composed of Humans, Night Elves, Dwarves and Gnomes as well as the Draenei- a race of giant humanoid penises made available with the first expansion to the series. The Horde is sided with Trolls, Undead, Tauren, Orcs and the Blood Elves, the Horde’s newest race to offset all the people clamoring to create an Alliance Manpenis warrior.

Having played through Warcraft 3, and developing an affection for the proud might of the Orcish tribes, I created an Orc Rogue. Rogue being one of many classes that each character can take on. Like Ranger, Hunter, and Mage in PSO or the various Jobs characters can take in Final Fantasy. A rogue is a knife-fighter relying on stealth, cunning and strategy to their physical attacks. They are often incorporated into guilds and teams based on their ability to reduce enemies’ status and deal damage very quickly.

Your world begins with an overshooting view of the municipality that you, and a few hundred other players at any given time, call home. Often taking the form a small village where heroes begin their journey. A brief narration explains the Orcs place in the Horde, and the ultimate objectives of your people. You are born into the world a naked, poor, and hilariously weak individual. Killing, or attempting to kill, small animals in a feeble struggle to raise your wiener level. All pretty tedious and uneventful for the first few hours. But, at the same time, I was just learning the ropes, controls and boundaries, so I was pretty forgiving to it. Among the hills and forests I found a number of NPC Orc Peons mining for minerals, just as you would find them in War Craft III. Now, that’s pretty neat attention to detail, don’t you think? Well there’s thousands and thousands of little attentions to detail. Everywhere.

I signed off for the night having leveled up to Level 4 and replaced nearly all of my Newb ass-gear with slightly less ass-y gear.

Excellent little thing about World of Warcraft? There’s a small purple bar that borders the on-screen control panel that represents how much experience you’ve gotten out of how much experience you need to level up. Most useful thing ever in an RPG. Perfect spot for it too.

Day 3 – 5: Meet and Greet, Leet and Beat.

So I wandered. Playing alone is not really what this game had intended as I soon learned. Being brutally murdered and having my dead body ravaged by wild beasts with levels so low that a drunken, illiterate war-amp with downs could count past such a number. But I stuck it out, and leveled up a bit.

I found that in the hills are a number of small caves with a bit of a payout in gear and gold when you reach the end. This is where I met up with a band of level ten trial-testers. Upon hearing that I was having some trouble leveling up they swore an oath to stay logged on until I leveled up and got the loot at the end of the troll-infested cave. And we went into the bowels of the cave, working as a team to kill higher level monsters and pillaging as much

And that’s why this game is cool. You don’t often run into the screechy crowd from games like Counter Strike or Call of Duty, where people are just cock-heads for fun. Because in this community they pay monthly to have their fun. with this specific game. Throughout my days in the Orcish hillsides there were a few groups I banded together with in order to complete a quest or level up someone in need. Including a raid on a Goblin traitor in Thunder Canyon, Defeating a renegade Village of Tribal Trolls, or a slaughter of murderous Harpies. This was the best experience for me: traveling with perfect strangers, our group expanding as we came across other low levelers having trouble with the same quest that we were. Alone we were weak, and useless, but together we could successfully complete the quest as many times as there were members in our group.

The second best thing about my MMO experience was the scale of the game. Everything was huge (Read: huge). I started out traveling to about three or four small villages and outposts around my home village. These had small shops and inns to heal yourself and stay for your logged off periods of time, which added benefits to you character rather than keeping them in the wilderness for your off-time. Plus dueling players on the streets and quest givers, job and class specialists used to level up your skill sets.

There were a few times I hooked up with strangers and formed a team of players that played off of each others’ strengths in order to complete a quest for the mutual benefit of everyone involved. It was nice that no one was a cock and once they got their quest-related item, they would just split from the group. We each played until everyone had the quest-related item they required and then like a Journey song we went on our separate paths.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though This is not nonstop action and butt-clenching suspense. It is very calmly paced, maybe frantic, mouse clicking. You will die and you will die often. Your Ghost character must sprint from the nearest graveyard or regeneration zone to your fallen body, which is most likely being brutally raped by a number of enemies that had already killed you once. Alternatively you could regenerate at the graveyard with the payment of the pristine condition of your gear. But any common blacksmith or dirt farmer can easily repair your equipment for a small fee.

I got sick of dying so much in my tiny trial, and you would get sick of it too. I kept going due to the freeness of my game, I had little to complain about. But paying to play by the month? You might get a little tired of it very fast.

Orgrimmar: Pride of the Horde

I noticed a Zeppelin flying from the horizon, and begging it’s decent outside of a canyon I was fighting in. I ran to the outside to bear witness to one of the most mind boggling things I had see in the game through my entire trial: Orgrimmar. The Orcish capital city. The Zeppelin set down in front of the city gates, as the Horde Metropolis buzzed with people.

This was an amazing place. As a new player I marveled at the high level characters riding into the city gates upon strange beasts, with glorious weapons hanging off of their backs. Many stores, an auction house, specialty trainers, and class experts are all housed in here. Passing by crowds of players watching dueling characters, a test of strength between members of the Horde for statistical bragging rights. It was a city that felt alive, and the pulse that it carried was entirely generated by other players. This is why people play MMORPGs I thought to myself. My experience in Orgimmar was the most positive of the entire trial.

The Undercity

I also managed to find the underground City of the Dead through my explorations. It, too, was pretty damn cool. These games would be worth playing for about a month just to level up and explore the world map.

Days 5 – 10 Rinse, Wash, Repeat, Crap Pants, Rinse and Wash

The last days of my trial were taken up by exploring areas I had no business exploring yet, taking on some cooler quests and upgrading my equipment. The trouble is, this game was all about exploration for me. But I ran into the Plague Lands within the Undead territory and had my ass handed to me by every single moving creature there. Let alone the trio of Undead Bears (Yeah. That’s right.) that sodomized my broken body over and over again while I had to just grin and bear it until I got back to the Necropolis in the Undead Capital City.

I managed my way across the Savannah Plains to the West, and hit a small town after an hour or two of travel. Plus I ran into an Alliance meatbag that I managed to kill despite being two whole levels higher than me. It was also thanks to my Rogue abilities to be a complete dick.

The game was getting pretty redundant by this point. I found that without direction, the proper levels to navigate areas successfully, or people to communicate with, it was a pretty dull experience. But with the addition of a few friends- even if you don’t know them- the game escalated in excitement and meaning. Take a few quests with a few people and the game is excellent. The mindless grinding wouldn’t be so bad if you’re spending the time talking away. However, unlike PSO, the combat isn’t so mindless that you can just chat away to your friends while playing the game. Although, I never had the opportunity to try, I’m sure it’s a little more engaging.

As I reached the village in the Savannah I re-equipped with some better weapons, sold some stuff, rested up, and found a large pterodactyl outside. Its owner offered me a ride back to Orgimmar for a few silver. I gladly payed and was WOW’d ( This is the kind of writing you get when you wait on a post for a few months.) by what I was watching. The creature flew me, in-game, high above the plains I walked along to get here. I even saw the resurrected Human I had killed a few minutes before. I could turn my head and see a group of Horde players travelling, and fighting creatures on the ground before the creature rose up the ridge I had jumped off of to get to the Plains. It continued to fly at the gates of the Capital, where I assumed it would drop me off. But I never expected it to swoop under the gates, over the traffic moving in and out of the city, and around the buildings. Taking me to the highest point in the city, before swooping off back to its perch in the Savannah heat. My jaw swung open like a buttery gate that just got kicked the shit down.

It was an awesome view, a wonderful ride and something they could have just as easily replaced with a fadeout/fade-in warp. I promptly saved my game, and shut off the computer for the tenth night.

I know why people are addicted to World of Warcraft. But, frankly, with so much more to do in terms gaming and the battered social life I have left, I don’t think I could be that person. Then again, I didn’t get into the really epic stuff or had anyone to play with on a regular basis.

Hey. I’m just going to bring you guys up to speed on a few key features of my life. I’m eighteen years old, and I am enrolled in my final semester of high school. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents. I enjoy playing videogames, reading books, watching movies and spending time with the select few friends that I have. Who doesn’t? I like music. Rock and Roll, and I’ve dipped my toe into some Heavy Metal, but only a few things really catch my fancy. I’ve never had a girlfriend in the eighteen years I’ve known life, and I am no closer today than I was when I first began developing a strange, yet magical, admiration for the opposite sex. I waste my time away on computers and I’ve never actually learned anything entirely useful or any one thing really well.

I am a nerd.

I’ve embraced this for a large part of my life. The itellect, humor, people, and culture tend to be the upside, while a natural repulsion of th opposite sex, unpopularity, and horrible acne seem to have been the downsides. I’ll be the first to admit I’m a nerd. I’ve read comic books, and I’ve watched the Star Wars saga in a single sitting. Hell, in my youth I endulged in a little Magic: The Gathering, and I’m confident my Slivers could still train-wreck some punk-ass asian kids in university!

I’m a nerd with a week off. With friends who are travelling, persuing women, hanging out with their boyfriends (and their boyfriends are assholes of the highest order) working or being douches and not talking to me about any plans or fun times.

So what could I do for a whole week?

School work? Nah.

Learn a new skill, or language? Nope.

Hone your skills that ou’ve neglected for a while, like refinishing that guitar, guitar playing, read a book, or write a post? Mmm. Maybe later.

Well, what about this?

Yes. Yes to the extreme.

Gentlemen. Potential lady. I’m going to go into the beast and update you on a world unseen. The world we all critisize on a regular basis, shooting our smug-gums about the ignorant who would partake in such foolishness! Yes, I shall enter this Brave New World!

. . .of Warcraft. . .

TO BE CONTINUED!

So. I’ve applied to universities now. I actually did it a while ago. Last year even! I applied to Waterloo and Queens, because they were the two schools I knew things about and was legitimately interested in going to. (Friends don’t let friends go to Western!).

Waterloo’s Science and Engineering programs both require you to fill out an AIF (Applicant Information Form) which is a whole bunch of information designed to make you look better as a potential student for their awesome school of glory (so they would have me believe.)!

That’s what it’s supposed to do. If you were some sort of popular ‘everyone-loves-me-so-I-join-every-club-because-I-have-friends-everywhere-and-am-good-at-everything, over-achieving, rub-it-in-your-face’, jerk.

However, for me it just managed to illustrate what little I did in high school despite all the opportunities I was given. Putting down every detail about my extra-curricular life for the past four years and desperately trying to fill out the word maximum word amount to impress the overlords who determine your fate!

If I could just sit down and explain why working full-time hours while going to school is really, really fucking hard – and fifty-five to sixty-five hour weeks in the summer- and I should be accepted into their school- as king- just for doing that, I’m sure they would agree!

So I finished my Waterloo applications on the deadline date, because I like to procrastinate, (Rhyme-drop bonus: +2) . And I had already been accepted into Science and Business, which is how I’m getting out this house if I don’t get accepted into Engineering (Major in Astrophysics? Maybe.) And I began working on my Queen’s U stuff. I was going to throw them into their website just before my family left for New York City, as I would miss the deadline if I waited to get back.

But. Wait. What’s this?

“We’re sorry. Our website only operates during the business hours of 8:00am and 8:00pm.”

I was about quarter after eight.

What.

The.

Fuck.

The only positive thing to come from this was I got so shit-pissed at Queen’s university that I didn’t even want to go anymore. But I spent all that time transcribing how awesome I am, it would be nice if they lived in the real Goddamn world where you don’t need to have business hours for a Goddamn website.

Goddamn! That was seventy application bucks well-spent. .

So I’ve decided that Soup of the Day will now be operating on business hours of when-ever-the-hell-I-feel-like. So your long, well thought-out comment may just be discarded because you posted it at a time I didn’t much care for.

That’s what I’d be like if I went to UWO

(Friendsdon’tletfriendsgotoUWO ). Where everyone is an asshole. Except potentially Binks. He’s the super-special exception of the day!

More posts to come! Maybe written better, too! And with complete sentences!

I’ve see a lot of bad films in my day. Movies that are boring or movies that are stupid, chalk full of run-of-the-mill action sequences or an inactivating love story. But rarely does a film come along that is so bad I just have to watch it! It usually begins with an outrageous title, followed by a plot that shares the title’s nonsensicality.

These are a few of the films I have watched in my lifetime. Hours spent that I can not take back. Not to tell someone I love them before I die, or to reach my soul-mate in the waning hours of my life, or to listen to Private Investigations: The Very Best of Dire Straits and Mark Knopfler one last time.

Kung-Fu Hustle

This actually wasn’t a bad film, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Although I needed a third film to round things off, and this seemed like the most qualified candidate. It’s a Chinese Action-Comedy about a small village that sports three kung-fu protégés. They manage to ward off an attack from the vicious Axe-Gang( It’s a real thing!), only to be targeted for assassination.

When they are killed off the plot takes a quick turn, pursuing an unsuspecting couple that are a pair of Kung-Fu masters and an unlikely candidate for some sort of Kung-Fu Messiah, who is charged with the task of defeating the Axe-Gang and destroying the villainous Kung-Fu master. An entertaining watch if you can stomach the oddities and sometimes over-the-top anime-style acting.

S.S. Doomtrooper

This is a movie that, upon seeing the title, I just had to watch. A group of mad-Nazi-Scientists (Is there any other kind?) have harnessed the power of “Atomic Radiation” that was originally studied for an engineering of an atomic bomb. However, they have decided to go the more realistic rout and create a giant Nazi-Monster-Supersoldier in their hidden forest-temple-laboratory.

The American’s catch wind of this plot, as you could smell it a mile away, and decide to send in a cliché rag-tag team of misfits and outlaws who have to work together under the order of a Captain who has to prove himself! Deep in enemy territory they must destroy the lab, fall in love, defeat the Fuehrer’s Furious Abomination and ride an explosion back to America, right after punching Hitler in the face.

With surprisingly good cinematography for what, I pray, is an extremely low budget film. It’s worth a laugh and one half for the cheesy dialogue and fill-in-the-blank characters.

Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter

This one takes, and always will take, the cake. It is, and could only be, an Indy film through and through. Let me set up the plot briefly for you.

Vampires are stalking Lesbians and Prostitutes (And Lesbian Prostitutes if memory serves correctly) and killing them to harvest their skin. Their skin will be used so that the vampires may walk in the day light, and rule the world with an unstoppable might.

That is, if Jesus Christ doesn’t have anything to say about it!

Which he does!

So Jesus comes back from the dead, again, (Third Testament, baby!)  to save the planet earth. Spouting, incorrectly, Biblical verses and Christian teachings to evil doers as action-catch-phrases before kicking their ass with his Martial-Arts skills(z). Also, there’s an excellent scene where Jesus Christ takes a group of Atheists and converts them to Christianity** so they, too, may do battle with the forces of evil.

**Through an elaborate musical number.

But he can’t defeat this evil alone. He enlists the help of his Mexican Wrestler friend.

From Mexico.

Yeah.

So, if you feel the need to take precious hours away from your life. Check out the last two movies.

Kung-Fu Hustle isn’t bad though. And is worth a few laughs! But it is ridiculous.

So, I played through the co-operative Resident Evil 5 demo on Friday. Well, two Fridays ago now. Playing straight through, with no do-overs (but we had plenty of do-overs) it lasts about twenty minutes.

It’s excellent. Super awesome.  I’m going to buy an X-box 360 when this game comes out so I can play it. That’s how good it is!

Essentially, it’s a polished version of Resident Evil 4. The looks are -obviously- sleeker, movements look tuned-up, and game-play remains essentially the same. Some new additions make the game-play a little more frantic and really gets your heart pounding. For one, when you enter the menu, your assailants don’t give a shit. They’re not going to stop, and allow you to pull out your Boomstick, or incendiary grenades so you can go to town on their town. No. That shit isn’t going down. They’re go to bite, and grab, and axe, and punch you. And you’re going to watch them as you fumble through your items like a bomb-defusing bra strap trying desperately to find that item you really really need.

The Demo takes you through two Village-esque levels in a small community formally known as Shanty Town. The population is fucked up because of plot device [x]. It appears as though it’s the Plagas parasites again, but whatever.  They execute some dude (that Sheva was looking for. I guess.)  with a big-ass axe. Then everyone takes notice of Chris and Sheva watching from some shack. You board the place up, and wait for the horde to break in. Eventually the house goes the way of all cabin hide-outs in Resident Evil 4, and we make an escape from the cabin into the streets of shanty town. The dude with the axe doesn’t seem to nimble to climb a fence like the rest of his brood, so he just smashes that shit out of his way, killing two of his own dudes in the process. Quickly running around him, we take to the streets of shanty town with a good 15-30 enemies on our tail. Plus the eight foot tall, four hundred pound giant axe-wielding psycho doesn’t seem too out of shape after all, and jogs after us at a good pace

The next few minutes are spent gathering items, fighting off a restless horde of enemies (climbing over large fences to get into the area. Like bugs.) And desperately shooting in the general direction of the Hooded Axe figure. ‘Nother cool little addition to game play. You can melee the big boss characters. Helpful.

The one really cool, if small, part about the co op is if your friend is grabbed, you can melee the assailent off of them. Trading ammo and health items is a necessary part of cooperation. Antoher interesing feature is if your partner begins to die (taken all the damage they can) you can use a green herb the bring them from their stumbling and bumbling status. This will surely stop many many arguments that occur outside of the game about whos fault any lack of progression or items. Any death becomes a fault on the part of the entire team, instead of being placed souly on the friend who isn’t as skilled!

This game plays like Resident Evil 4 with a few patches and upgrades and a make-over. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. A new story with different characters will be all I was looking for from Resident Evil 5 and I am certainly going to pick up an X-box 360 for this game.

If I am ever given the privilege to say grace at a host’s house, you can bet I’m falling back on this.

And Shepherds we shall be,

For thee, My Lord, for thee,

Power granted by thy hand,

That our feet may swiftly carry out thy command,

So we shall flow a river forth to thee,

Teeming with souls shall it ever be

Il Nomani Patre, et Filii, Spiritus Sancti

Amen.

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

This could be one of the best, or most disastrous sequels ever. Still, ten long years and they managed to pull almost everyone back for another movie? That says something about how passionate the cast feel!

Game of the Year: Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne

Max Payne, dearest of all my friends! This holiday season I managed to play through so many games a grizzled war-amputee could barely count them on one hand! Max Payne and Max Payne 2: Fall of Max Payne are among the finest games I have played. An enthralling plot mixed into white-knuckle action and smooth, intuitive third-person gameplay and controlls is baked on kick-ass for about 16 hours. Cooked until awesome! These two games are fantastic, and they’re long enough to tell the tale that drives your actions, and it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome. Like a good show that got cancelled early, you’re left satisfied with what was given to you, you want to see more, but you’re just not sure if a sequel would be right.

Best Character: Max Payne. Obviously. Although, in the Original Max Payne I also enjoyed Vladamir Lem. Mostly because of his two fantastic quotes. “Bang, you’re dead Max Payne!” and “Max, Dearest of all my friends!” Anyone who has played the game knows what I’m talking about.

Honorable Mention: Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos. One of the only other games I played through this year, that I can remember. Fun gameplay. But I hated every single one of the characters. The Orcish Horde seemed to be the only race that wasn’t populated by asshole and retards. But that’s sort of Blizzards charm. The traditional good-guys are jackasses, while the antagonists are left to their noble, when seen from a different angle, quest. So because the game is well made, fun, and challenging, and because the mislabeled ‘evil’ Orcs are so cool for a change, Warcraft III gets an honorable mention.

Oh, also it was the least climactic ending ever. I’m going to have to play through The Frozen Throne soon to get a real ending. It suffers from [Halo/Half-Life] 2 syndrome.

Movie of the Year: Evil Dead III: The Army of Darkness

Disqualified: The Dark Knight – Because it’s going to win so many awards anyway. Although it is one of the best films in years, I feel that other movies deserve a chance. So, in official terms, it was disqualified under suspicions of performance enhancing drugs. I mean, come on! No movie is that good naturally!

This is going to be a big upset victory. Or it would be, if any body cared about these awards. Yet.

Army of Darkness is the crowning film on The Evil Dead trilogy, following directly after the events of  Evil Dead II, but it masks the film in a much different atmosphere. The semi-serious horror (part outrageous and funny) series took a quick turn into Action Comedy, with a few moments of ridiculous hilarity! These films are to be watched in rapid succession, and are enjoyed best with a group of friends, bowls of snacks (gummy things, so you can still hear over the chewing!) and a few of your favorite drinks handy. For being a welcome, hilarious, campy and downright entertaining film, Army of Darkness wins the Golden Bowl of Excellence in Film for 2008. Army of Darkness warrants a round of high-fives and a celebratory “Woo!” purely for the films it beat out this year.

Best Character: Ashley “Ash” J. Williams. Housewares. For his constantly awesome, one-liners, action phrases, and total bad-assitude.

Honorable Mention: Terminator 2. It’s just an excellent action film. Seriously.

Iron Man – It deserves a pat on the back. It was a step in the right direction for Marvel after the let downs that were Spiderman 3 and X-men 3. Unfortunately it looks like they’ll be taking another step back with the up-coming Wolverine Movie. I think they made him American for this. Wolverine is not American. He’s Canadian. The Weapon X Program was Canadian! No exceptions!

Well, every other website is doing it. So I will too! Presenting the first annual Year-End-Awards in media excellence!  Although, in my awards the selection will not be solely placed upon things that have been released in the year 2008, due to the obstructing lack of a corporate budget, but on pieces of media I have experienced in 2008!  I encourage the members of the Blog Role to follow suit and cough a little activity into our otherwise (Read: Binks and Granite!) dusty blogs.

I’ll be taking various pieces of media, split into a handful of categories, I played/watched/read through this year and single out the best to be showered with praise and gifts, as if some heavenly Deity had violently barfed all of the peasants’ sacrifices. It is sure to become an annual tradition at Soup of the Day!

To note: I do not take myself too seriously. You shouldn’t either.

Book of the Year: Watchmen

In a year of so-so school novels, and rereads, this Graphic Novel stood out from the crowd. This is the engrossing tale of Heroes and Humans set on an alternate 1980s earth. Superheroes and Vigilantism have been outlawed since 1977, save a few government sponsored heroes, and those who continue to operate beyond the long flabby arm of the law, and the story leaps to a bounding start with the murder of the Hero known as The Comedian. The plot rages on as an old variation on the murder mystery, but becomes so much more through stirring character development, gripping twists, and white-knuckle excitement that I care not to mention here. With much of my reader base out of the loop on this one, I will leave these awards spoiler free. So you may read The Watchmen the way it was meant to be read. For so many things I cannot mention here; I award Watchmen the first Golden Bowl in Written Excellence.

Favorite Character: Rorschach. Because he’s awesome.

Honorable Mention: Nineteen Eighty-Four. It was discounted from the competition on account that I had read the book once previous to this year. Although, as much as I love the depressing tale of a controlling, loveless future:  Watchmen is still better.

And more to come!

Public Service Announcement: Soup of the Day will be undergoing a domain name change in the new year. The U at the end of my URL will be changed to an EW to avoid Google Searches and unwelcome readers from stumbling upon this site. Thank you.