My job at the Waterloo Region District School Board is physically taxing. No matter where I go, I find myself falling asleep. It seems that the best strategy is to become a hermit of my own house, and absent myself from the rays of our glorious Sol. In the meantime, a blog post for the few faithful converts seemed like a good usage of time. So, let’s get crackin’.
Act One: Literary Adaptations in Movies
In general, when famous literary works are adapted into the form known as “motion picture”, the transition is painful and involves a large pit with spikes. Perhaps the writing community that has nestled itself ever so cozily into the movie industry has become quite content with whoring itself our to every sleazy director and production pimp who comes along wanting an idea that will generate fast cash.
It disturbs me greatly that the creative pool has somehow been tapped. Somehow, now that the well is dry, it is okay to bend over every good literary idea and sodomize it with a broom handle.
War of the Worlds is one such movie. The movie strays a great deal from the book, as it strives for a more modern story. However, the more modern makeup they put on H.G. Wells’s masterpiece, the more the entire ordeal begins to resemble a hooker in some back alley. The book was humbling, showing us that although we are masters of our planet, we are not masters of the universe. It showed that even things as simple as bacteria could help turn the tide in our favour, and help maintain this world as our own. It birthed a unity between man and the planet.
Steven Spielberg (although a brilliant director) was met with two jackass screenplay writers who think they can make an amazing tale better. Well, Josh Friedman and David Koepp tried and failed. Spielberg’s War of the Worlds came across as a futuristic War on Alien Terrorism. The final scene, where the United States military takes down one of the alien machines was sickening. The only reason they made this movie is because pissing on H.G. Wells’s wasn’t profitable.
The only good part of the movie was Tim Robbins performance. But if you think about it, how can you have Tim Robbins and not have a good performance from him? Oh, right. Make him the President in Austin Powers…no…wait, that was funny.
On the other hand, Batman Begins was a remarkably refreshing film, showing that not all literary adaptations fester into fecal waste. Excellent Batman film. It leaves me speechless. I am without speech. Go see this film! Pirate it! You must let these beautiful images grace the sticky surface of your eyeballs!
Act Two: I Work Hard For The Money
I’ve begun working at the Waterloo Region District School Board again. The period of intense schooling that forced itself between summers resulted in my cobwebbed filled mind omitting the horrible atrocities committed at the Board.
So far, I’ve spent the summer cleaning computers. I find this extremely ironic because a custodial position is not what I requested. In fact, I requested that I NOT get a custodial job. Nevertheless, I’ve spent the last three days purposelessly (not a word?) moving computers and also cleaning computers with Windex, paper towels, and Q-Tips.
That isn’t the worst part. They provide vinyl gloves to wear while cleaning, but they leave a disgusting white paste all over your hands. Some sort of chemical additive to prevent your hands from getting sweaty in the gloves. I don’t understand it. I’m not a chemist, I just play one on TV.
Honestly though, cleaning computers (codenamed PM’ing by the administration and punishment by the staff) is enough to drive a person insane. On more than one occasion, I’ve tried to get 103.9 The Hawk or CFRB 1010 streaming over the Internet so that something fills my ears beside painful silence. These attempts have ended in a rather unceremonious bloody siege as I curl up in the fetal position.
It’s terrible. Last summer, I talked to people in the ePals chatroom. Now, everyone has a full-time job (except Amy, but do I really want to talk to her?). I’m at a complete loss! Just strike me down God! It would be more merciful than this!!!
However, while the worst torture is PM’ing, the penultimate torture is my constant assignment to the worst staff member in the entire goddamn building. Last year, I was assigned to Sam, a bitter divorcee who was fired from the Board for drunk driving. This year, I was assigned to David, a pompous, power-hungry elitist who could crush a continent with his ego. Why couldn’t I be assigned to Dave B? He’s hilarious! Or even the other new guy, Christian? He’s cool. Or why couldn’t there be a third option involving an attractive woman (go figure no attractive women work in the ITS department)? No, instead, Jordan gets shafted.
Whoever is paired up with Dave B. gets the best jobs. Francis (Dave B.’s compatriot) spent the day installing RAM in laptops and then imaging them. On the other hand, I spent the day in the basement computer lab sitting near a leaking ceiling whiping down eMacs with paper towels. Ridiculous. The job sucks. The only reason I took it is because it is honest work and the pay is good. Otherwise, I’d go balistic and murder everyone in that entire goddamn building (except for maybe, my dad, Mike, Miles, and that hot chick from Health and Safety).
Act Three: As We Go On…
As Alice Cooper belts out those truer than ever lyrics, I begin to reflect on how much of high school I will miss. Even though I am returning for a fifth year, everything will be different. So many important people will be absent, and the course load will be pathetic.
I’ll miss my trusted and true friends who have been with me since elementary school: Binkle and Andrew. Through all the time I have known them, these two (as insane as the three of us may be when combined) have gotten me through the tough times (although Andrew was once the cause of a tough time). They’re good friends, and irreplacable. I haven’t talked to Binkle since the summer started. Same with Andrew. This does not reflect well on the status of our friendship as we move further apart in life. Even if I never see them again, I will always remember the good times. Beyond, Sci-Tech, Queens, Gr. 9-11, and so forth. Cheers to my homies.
I’ll also miss the friends who I grew close to through the duration of high school. The ever so cool Caleb, the cocky and in your face Fraser, the…well…how the hell would you describe Andreas? Even Nathan (didn’t know him so well), Dean, Blake and Jenn. I’ll miss them all, because they are good people. They are a rare breed. Cheers to you guys.
I’ll also miss the friends who I have only become truly acquainted with this year. Adam Sheldon was a good guy, and always a laugh in Calculus and Discrete Math. Somehow, he always had a song to sing. His optimisim was unmatched. Melissa, who I discovered was a complete geek-type and therefore, instantly cool. James Wybrow, who I knew through Writer’s Craft, both Maths, and Religion (I think that’s all). He was a good guy, and it sucks that I only met him this year.
Sadly, what I’ll never miss is the stuff I didn’t have. However, I will be saddened by the fact that I didn’t have it. Plenty of people are leaving who I didn’t get better acquainted with…and now that opportunity has passed. This blanket of sadness is so stifling, and I’ve only avoided the sadness until now by occupying my mind constantly with other things.
Cheers to you all. You’re all good people. The last bunch of a dying breed. You will be missed.