Act One: WTF is BTS
Anyone who owns a television set, and some sort of connection with the outside world via the invention known as television as undoubtedly seen “Back To School” commercials since school approached its close. Indeed, it is strange how they can barely leave school before they are - apparently - heading right back.
As usual, the Back To School ad campaigns of many stores and companies contain everything that attracts elementary school children; kids dancing and terrible music.
Yet, while my sisters may be distracted by all the pretty colours and shiny things, I can’t help but wonder what happened to children between my time in elementary school and theirs. Culture is creeping backwards towards the womb. Kids who are in Grade 4 are going to late-night movies without parental supervision. Kids in Grade 5 have “boyfriends” and “girlfriends”. All of a sudden we have a new age bracket known as “tweens”.
But, beyond all those things, my biggest peeve always falls into the Back To School campaigns.
For example, consider the new Zellers commercial:
There are kids moving around in a classroom, unpacking their school supplies while some retarded song about a monkey dying plays in the background.
The school supplies consist of staplers, binders, pencils, papers, and the weirdest duo of all: an mp3 player and a cell phone. Let’s consider these two products in the hands of elementary students: What are these doing here? You don’t need these for school.
Simple enough. I’m confused how, in any way, an mp3 player can be considered a useful back to school commodity. Aren’t mp3 players, CD players, and other music devices banned in most schools, or at least discouraged, because it distracts children? Now, Zellers is telling children that it is a “must have” back to school item. These kids will, in turn, whine to their parents. Half of the parents will give in, and buy their kid an mp3 player.
Why? Why? Why?
Now, consider the cell phone. What elementary school student requires a cell phone? Are they going to be on the road a lot? Perhaps, during their arts class, they will have to excuse themselves from making paper-mache masks in order to answer an important business call from the guys in the Washington office. Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but I really think elementary school students and cell phones are an illogical pairing that only Zellers (or WalMart) could devise.
Perhaps I will never understand what fascinates those children so, as the Hudson Bay Company dangles keys in front of their faces to make them squeal like porky infants. Keep throwing away money kids. Your parents will love you for it.