Act One: Sophia Bossedon
While it would be nice to obsess over the incredibly sexy voice of Kristin Minter in her role in “I Love Bees”, this entry is about another Sophia. Or, at least a Sophie. But vowels are interchangable aren’t they? No…no, of course not. But regardless of whether you call her Sophia, Sophie, or the much preferred “Elly”, there is one message behind it all. Puppy 109 has come home.
Her full name, as retarded as it may sound, follows the standard “Breeder-Litter-Name” format. So, as I was saying, her full name is Goldenbreeze Peppermint Sophie. Frankly, I think it sounds retarded. The abbreviation is “GPS”. It’s terrible is what it is. Marley’s full name was Segmar Autumn Marley. It had a ring to it. A sense of symmetry. Sophie’s name is full of randomness.
She’s an adorable puppy though. She waddles around the house more than she actually walks, and on more than one occasion I have seen her flop over because she loses her balance. She’s got spunk and energy. She enjoys chewing my chews, and I don’t mind the way her mouth neatly manages my overly long laces. I was a little disappointed that Sophie and I would be seperated for four and a half hours while I worked in the sweaty coal mines of Zellers.
Upon my arrival home, I discovered that the beautiful and fluffy Sophie had been attacked, dare I say mauled, by the neighbours Jack Russell Terrier. This pint-sized pain in the buttocks came shooting around the neighbours fence and - without a bark or disputable noise - attacked Sophie from behind. My sister grabbed Sophie, and my mother pulled the Terrier away. Had I been home, I would have expertly punted that little fuck 50 feet out into the corn field behind our house.
I’m not weird in thinking that. My dad and brother has the exact same response when they found out. In fact, the neighbour gave us permission to do that. Apparently they’ve been having problems with the dogs, and they plan to get rid of them. Give me a shovel and I’ll get rid of them but good.
Well, that’s not fair to the dogs. But we’d had Sophie home for less than twelve hours and she gets attacked. How is that going to affect her upbringing? Pain in the ass neighbours.
Act Two: They Put Me In Charge
Two things, in short.
1) I was supposed to do the Gr. 9 orientation at school on Tuesday and Thursday. Or so I’ve told everyone. Turns out the training day was on Monday, and I missed it. 2) On my third day working at Zellers, they threw me in charge of Home Entertainment, alone, without sufficient cash training. Not only that, but they fucked, up my grammar skills…
- Jordan
I’m tired…