Act One: What Have I Done?
Right now, I’m unfathomably depressed.
It may strike the average person as odd that the cause of my anger is a simple seven digit number found in many people’s MSN names, but it is a sign of their next step. I am, of course, talking about the people who have gone off to university and are leaving this notation as directions to their new home.
Mere moments ago, I was talking with Andrew about his new abode and all the experiences it has led to. Hearing stories of a female don who owns Duckhunt and the noble project begun by Binkle and Jenn that culminated in fitting two pickles into a condom began to nudge at my own sense of self-worth.
I began to feel pathetic. Everyone else had taken a step up on this staircase of life, while my feet seemed to be glued down to the previously trodden path of high school. It has all left me with a sense of inferiority and loss. My friends have all moved on, yes, but many of them are still together.
Where am I?
I’m curled up in the shadows, hiding from a fear that the others have skillfully parried and conquered when the challenger arose. When my turn had come, I merely whimpered like an infant, hurtled my sword and shield to the ground and begged for mercy. The task of moving on clearly bested me, and now I lay on my belly like a snake, kissing the dirt that fear walks upon.
Heinsight is such an enemy in these situations. The decision is clear to me now, and the others - if and when they read this - will surely engage in a expelling of “I told you so” variants. And it is true that most of them did “tell me so”, but I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to listen. I acknowledge that. I’m an absolute fool for staying behind. My marks were excellent. My reputation with teachers was commendable. From an outside viewer, I was a man who had only but to reach out and take university in one swift grasp. But I handcuffed myself to the past and threw away the key.
Now I’m stuck here for one more year. Already, I can feel it is going to be grievous.
I’m a fool.
You’ll notice I’ve changed the look of this place. Thanks to Josh for helping with the minor tweaks. Your patience to browse through the StyleSheet exceeded my own.
The background is from the cover of the Resident Evil 4 PAL version. I merely blacked out the man holding a chainsaw who stood proudly in a break between the trees.
— Jordan