Earlier in the week, I was listening to CFRB 1010 out of Toronto, when I heard this incredibly interesting story brought up on the Bill Carroll show.
In Saskatchewan, there was recently a perplexing legal decision made that I think will be especially relevant to my readership, as they are mostly male. As men growing up in Canada, who will be fathers within the next decade if we maintain the status quo, I look forward to hearing your opinions voiced on this issue.
The situation in Saskatchewan - which concluded this past week - is detailed here, here and here.
None of the people in the trial are named, so I’m just going to call the biological parents Mommy and Daddy, and the adoptive parents the Couple.
In the beginning of it all, Mommy, a young First Nations woman, meets Daddy, a man who is not First Nations, and the two engage in a semi-regular sexual relationship. While they never live together and the relationship is eventually dissolved, Mommy gets pregnant with Daddy’s child.
Daddy only finds out about the pregnancy after the two lovers had gone their separate ways. A paternity test is done to confirm that he is - in fact - the child’s biological father, and when Mommy decides to give the baby up the Couple, a man and woman of First Nations descent, Daddy moves in to claim custody of what is his child.
This is only natural. Biologically, the child is his. And if the mother, who by virtue of her uterus has complete control over the child from conception to birth (and usually beyond), does not want the child, then the custody should default to the biological father.
Nevertheless, an adoption agreement is drawn up between Mommy and the Couple, and the child is hurriedly handed over. All the while, Daddy is contesting what he deems to be an unfair arrangement, since he never consented to the adoption agreement and he is more than willing to take custody of his son. Regardless of this, the system has worked against him, and the child remains with the Couple while Daddy appeals to the Courts of this country to get his son back.
The courts in Saskatchewan, however, do not recognize his rights as the biological father of the child, and - in what is surely to become a controversial precedent - awards the child to the adoptive parents. The adoption agreement is recognized as binding, despite the fact that it lacks the father’s consent. So, the Couple walks away with the child, and Daddy is left stranded.
Currently, he is unable to visit his own child so that it can form an attachment to the adoptive parents.
The thing that I have found so incredibly interesting about this whole ordeal is this:
While humans have striven towards gender equality for decades now (although occasionally offsetting the balance too far to make new inequalities), fatherhood is something where men invariably get shafted.
Consider the opposite of the above scenario:
A man and a woman engage in a sexual relationship outside of marriage that eventually amounts to nothing, and they go their separate ways. But, uh oh, the male appears to have exceptionally strong swimmers in his testes, and they have found their way, somehow, into the woman and have fertilized an egg.
When the woman plus bun in the oven approach the man and say “Congratulations, you’re a father!”, the man says “Fuck that! I’m out of here.”
And with that, the man runs off. Granted, he will be haunted by spousal and child support payments until the child has reached the age of majority, and he will be branded as a coward, man-whore, etc. The man has done a truly heinous act by abandoning his child and one-time lover, and deserves the financial burdens and labels that he receives.
Keep your Johnson in your trousers.
Yet, Daddy from Saskatchewan does the exact opposite. He finds out that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant, and he genuinely wants to be the father of this child, and take part in its upbringing. But even this noblest of gentleman is screwed over by the court systems. Instead of having to pay child support payments, as the negligent father does, this man is simply robbed of the child that he desires to be with.
Sure. Why not? Teach men that - in essence - you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. What exactly do women want from us? Do they want us to be fathers? Do they not want us to be fathers? Would they prefer if men just ejaculated into tubes, and we did away with coitus entirely?
And the worst part of hearing this show through CFRB 1010 were some of the women who phoned in about the issue, claiming that Daddy did not deserve his child, nor did he deserve to be with it. Apparently, for wanting to be the father to his offspring, Daddy was being immoral by robbing the child of a better life with the heterosexual Couple. I felt compelled to yell “Dis-missed!” when the host, Bill Carroll, rebuked the caller with “And what if the couple get divorced, can the father have his son back then?”
It is interesting to see that - when it comes to their children - it is the father who has no rights at all. I am grieved enough at the helplessness of men when it comes to abortion. Personally, I could not live with myself if a child of my own creation was aborted. And, while I do not intend to force my belief upon others, even if it was my own child, my belief is relevant. Hurrah for feminism! The woman has control of her own body, and can do what she wishes with it.
While I have not fully come to terms with the fact that any lover of mine who is impregnated with a future member of the Grant clan can shout out “Abort! Abort!”, I am willing to respect the right of a woman for control over her own body.
But this court decision in Saskatchewan just shows that fathers have no rights…ever.
Contrary to the stereotype portrayed by Dr. Phil and fucking Maury Povich, the vast majority of men have no opposition to being fathers, and those who are already fathers love their children dearly. The biological connection between a mother and her child is equally profound in regards to the father’s connection.
Men can love, care for, and appreciate their children. We are not heartless, soulless, sperm banks. Men do want to be fathers. So, how about granting us a few more rights in regards to parenting, so we aren’t left feeling helpless and emotionally crippled.
If I was in Daddy’s position right now, I would be an emotional wreck. Currently, he is caught in the most intense of emotional binds. He cannot see his son for a year while the child bonds with the Couple. And moreover, he has to be contemplating whether he wants to appeal this. As a father, he surely desires to be with his son more than anything. But, also as a father, I am confident that he does not want the earliest memories of his son to be the painful drudgery of legal proceedings and an intense custody battle.
The long and short of it is Daddy is fucked, and it is not fair. Frankly, if I were in his shoes, I would not know what to do.