I’ve finished the game.

Now, I know I told you before that I had beaten the game. But this time, I have finished it.

Well…no. I didn’t catch all the fish…but I hate fishing at the best of times. Providing it to me in an extremely frustrating digital forum does not make it any easier. And I did not beat the Rollgoal game. Not even far enough to get the Frog Lure. Because, again, I loathe fishing. I do not enjoy trying to catch fish, nor do I enjoy trying to eat fish. It is a sad fact considering their role as “brain food”. But I am spinning off on a destructive tangent.

I did not catch all the fish because I loathe their kind. I did not beat rollgoal because I loathe the method of play despite the fact that the Wiimote would allow more control. It failed me.

Nevertheless, I scoured the lands of Hyrule in order to acquire sufficient atriums and ventricles to empower me to twenty times the circulatory power of a normal Hylian. Also, in order to appease Andrew’s horse-loving communist mentality, I began to use Epona (read: Marley) more to journey from place to place, despite the fact that warping via Midna’s supernatural might is much more satisfying and efficient.

Furthermore, I collected all 20 of those wretched golden bugs and brought them to that spoiled little girl in Castle Town. Where she acquired $1500 is beyond me, but she seems to be wealthy enough to pay for golden bugs as well as a two-story home on prime Castle Town real estate. Also, she seems to have a pedophile peeking in her front window 24/7. She should probably call the Hyrule Castle Guard.

I acquired all the necessary upgrades to bomb bags and quivers. But, in my most satisfying accomplishment to date, I acquired all 60 poes. I only had 52 in my possession when I completed the game the first time, but after a great deal of scouring (and an accidental encounter), I found them all. Victory was sweat and tasty.

For those who have not captured all of the Poes, let me tell you that the satisfaction of “catchin’ em all” is the only reward you shall receive from that bastard Jovani. Despite his vast riches, he sees fit to award you a single Silver rupee. A noble gesture - to be sure - but when your wallet is full such a gem falls unnoticed. Afterwards, he is found in Telma’s bar, weeping because his girlfriend took a fancy to someone else. Possibly the mail man. He certainly keeps trim and fit.

Certainly, this game was amazing. Stupendous. Better than Ocarina of Time? You bet. Initially, I was disappointed after the whole “Zant has taken the Fused Shadows” debacle, because I thought that the first three dungeons had merely been a pointless endeavour. However, they did come into play towards the end of the game. And I was happy. Also, Midna kicks ass.

The final moments though were amazing. When Ganondorf is preparing to attack, and Midna transports you out to Hyrule Field…it was epic. I have to say I was surprised that Hyrule Castle exploded shortly after, sending Ganondorf hurtling into the same field on a mighty steed…certainly an odd turn of events. Still, the charge on horseback was truly epic. And the way everyone reacted as he crushed the Fused Shadows in his hands. Fantastic.

The final sword duel with Ganondorf was lack lustre. He fought like a Dark Nut (those heavily armored guys who block everything), except he was curiously slow and undefended. While he trudged around the battlefield, I got in jabs and slices and ended the battle without losing a quarter of a heart. The ending was certainly exciting (Jacob particularly enjoyed the fact that Ganondorf dies standing up - because he is so hardcore), but the final lines of the game were…lame.

Midna, turned back to normal, turns around and asks Link - essentially - if he wants to bone her. And then the game ends. That part could have used a bit more work…but, I guess they wanted to cap off with something sexually blunt considering most of the game featured Midna riding Link pretty hard. Mmm…ennuendo.

All in all, the game was fantastic. I would have enjoyed a bit more meat towards the ending (although I guess Ganondorf will just be revived now…as opposed to sealed away and such), and a bit more of an expose as to what we can expect from the future. I have to say that I enjoyed the dungeon within the Temple of Time (very nostalgic), and the introduction of two new races - the Yeti and the Oocca. Hopefully we will see them in future games as well.

I was - however - disappointed with the absence of Koroks (they could have featured somewhere in the Lost Woods), and the Rito (which would have made for a cool dungeon/city setting). But…I guess I will have to wait. I’ve still got my fingers crossed that the Tokay, Subrosians, and Shiekah will make an appearance at some point.

Since beating Twilight Princess, I’ve gone on to pop in my Zelda: Collector’s Edition. I’ve beaten the first dungeon of the first Zelda, and I’m going to keep playing through LoZ, Adventure of Link, Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask. When I am done, I will need to complete Minish Cap to have fully experienced the series. I wish I could find my copy of Link’s Awakening DX…the first Zelda game that I beat more than once.