It is your typical Friday night. The stress of the work week is now behind you. You dress up in your finest clubbing attire, and go out with your buddies for a night on the town. You drink. You laugh. And generally, you have a good time.

At the end of the night, you’ve picked up some hot little firecracker of a girl and taken her home to bed with you. You try to set the mood. You have iTunes run through all of your Toto and Journey albums. You dim the backlighting. But then, your battery light turns to red, and you are forced to rummage for the power adapter that will breath life into your DS Lite.

Distraught over an anti-climactic conclusion to your typical Friday night date plans, you save your game, take out your retainer, and snuggle under your Where’s Waldo sheets to get some much needed rest. Oh well. Even if the night was a bust, at least your mother still thinks you are cool.

If this sounds like a typical Friday night for you, then you are probably wasting your time playing this game. Doki Doki Majo Saiban: a game that stars two middle school students who are apparently so lame that the only way they will ever touch a girl is by going on a magical witch hunt, which involves full body inspections of all the hot young females in their classes. We are finally beginning to see what Nintendo had envisioned when they said “Touching is Good”. Pure, digital smut on a tiny little screen.

Can people who play video games as a hobby look any more pathetic after this game hits the DS? Not unless they actually make a game entitled “My Mom Still Thinks I’m Cool”, in which you play a 45-year-old depressed anti-socialite who lives at home and sleeps in a crib. The goal would be to use the DS to tap the bars of your crib to make music. It is like Electroplankton, really.