Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!

They’ve announced a new Super Smash Bros. Brawl character. Pokemon Trainer. A nameless, faceless Pokemon trainer. Suddenly, my hopes for the inclusion of Captain Olimar, Chibi Robo, and other good characters is dwindling. If Pokemon Trainer can get it, there is no hope for the world. In many ways, this looks like a stupid character. But, on closer inspection, there is something interesting about him.

And that is that you do not fight as him. Pokemon Trainer is essentially a gimmick so that they can let Poke-fans play as three Pokemon at once, the original starters, Squirtle, Bulbasaur and Charmander (although the later two are evolved). This way, it seems that you can switch in battle between any of the three in a Sheik transformation style.

While I will concede that this is interesting, I hope that somewhere, the person who is responsible for this is eating some honey garlic Pidgey wings while wearing their Pikachu skin slippers as their house burns down because the Charmander’s tail that powers their fireplace got out of control. For we must all abide by the punishment. Jesus…

I thought, given last weeks Franklin Badge announcement with the words Mother plastered all over it, that the new character would be Ness. But no. Pokemon Trainer. Super.