This story begins on Friday.
I went to work at the University, and had to help a lot of completely oblivious students with simple tasks like reading pieces of paper properly, and writing down information about academic advisors. If you think I am joking, you could not be further from the truth. We have a list on the wall that informs students when academic advisors have office hours, and where these advisors are located. When students ask, we direct them to the list (because we have more important things to do at the MUO than showing kids how to read a piece of paper). In the past, I have students ask me if I could write down this information for them, despite the fact that the list is closer to them and we have pads of paper and pens all over the office.
Sometimes, I really wonder about the intelligence of these alleged child prodigies. In fact, I also had a student ask me what ‘Posted Weekly’ means. This makes me believe that the school is a little too lenient with students who fail the ELPE.
After a long day of work, I leave the office with the rest of the staff and run into Binkle, who I had expected would only be found after a complicated scouring of the UW Place area. Fortunately, he had decided to come directly to the MUO and meet me, which - I must confess - was convenient.
We walked over to UWP and I got to see his prison cell of a room in Eby. It seems that the rooms that students are being crammed into at UW are getting smaller and smaller (and smaller). We discussed the shortcomings of his new abode, and made preparations to go to Ye’s Sushi. Before leaving, Binkle thought we should get some girl Don on the top floor (‘They like it on top’ - thanks Undeclared) to tag along. So, we went and talked to this girl. I discovered quickly that she is some sort of crazed sci-fi fan, who cannot stop speaking praises about Battlestar Galactica. And I don’t blame her. I have never faltered from the path that Adama and the rest have set before me. It is a fantastic show.
Of course, then she said that she liked Deep Space Nine, and I mentioned that Sisko is the Head Security Guard of an Intergalactic Shopping Mall.
[I got sidetracked for a good 25 minutes reading about Gene Roddenberry at this point in the article. After reading about some of the negative things said about him after his death, I cannot help but wonder if - in every situation - those who know a famous person will always make a quick buck on a ‘controversial book’ about the person’s flaws immediately following their death.]
Anyway, we went to Ye’s Sushi. The rain was annoying. We got completely soaked on the way to the bus station. Fortunately, the rain cleared up after we got downtown, which was good. I guess. We were already soaked anyway, so I guess it didn’t matter.
We got to Ye’s Sushi, and we got the absolutely terrible seat by the kitchen door. You know…the one everyone hates because you get hit by every single waiter/waitress/etc that passes by. Yeah. It was like that. Anyway, we were seated and began ordering some stuff. We got about eight orders of Maki rolls throughout the night. We got Spicy Crispy Salmon Rolls three times, Spicy Crispy Tuna Rolls at least once, something called a Rainbow Roll, some sort of Squid Roll, and a Crab and Flying Fish Roe Roll. We also ate some Sashimi, and I had one piece of Sushi. As far as the Sashimi went, I tried to stick mainly to crab…although Binkle twisted my arm and I downed some salmon. Well, okay. He didn’t really twist my arm. But I normally do not like Salmon.
Speaking of which…the Spicy Crispy Salmon Rolls were so absolutely delicious that I was nearly brought to tears. I kid you not. At first, I thought I disguised it well. But Binkle commented on it later, and I have to say he was right on the money. I had never tasted anything so good.
After we had eaten our fill, we got some ice cream and made to head back to UWP to meet up with Andrew. We got on the bus and headed back to UW, getting off a stop too early (because Binkle felt guilty about pressing the stop button before our stop) and we walked up the street. We got sidetracked by Sugar Mountain, where I saw a girl who I’d previously seen working at the Campus Crew in the Fairview Park Mall. I would have brought it up to talk to her - because I thought she was pretty hot - but I couldn’t help but wonder how she would react if she had been fired from the job for whatever reason. I did not think that would be a pleasant thing to bring up. I picked up some Spearmint gum, some Jelly Bellys, and some Nintendo Power Mints (with lovely NES controller tin). She commented something about how people really love the Nintendo mints. I muttered something about liking Nintendo, and she probably pegged me as a nerd.
But…is that a bad thing? I’ve heard on the radio that we - the nerds - make the best husbands. So, yeah. Keep that in mind ladies.
Anyway, we got back to UWP and met up with Andrew. For many hours, we tried unsuccessfully to play video games together, but Andrew was the Duty Don that night and was constantly trying to catch first-years in the process of drinking under aged. People were rowdy. Windows were broken. Noise was heard. The ladies were all scantily clad. Times were seemingly good.
After a while, everyone got tired. We agreed to get together for breakfast later that day (as we had already rolled over into Saturday), and Binkle went home. Andrew was still going about doing Don-ish things, while I crashed on an air mattress at his place.
And the story gets terrible from her on out. If you are squeamish, leave. Just leave. You have been warned.
I have drifted off to sleep for a little while, and I am wondering when the Sugar Mountain Girl is going to pop up in my dreams, when all of a sudden, I wake up. I am coughing. Coughing a lot. Now, this has happened to me on more than one occasion. And - frankly - I should have realized what was happening. Unfortunately, I was far too groggy to react in time, and I threw up all over my front. In an effort to minimize damage to Andrew’s residence, I rushed into the washroom and locked the door, making sure to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. The ferocity of this illness was so intense that digested food erupted from both my mouth and my nose, which burned intensely.
Andrew awakened at the noise. He would later say that he identified the noises as akin to the sound of a human being getting infected with the T-Virus from Resident Evil, and turning into a zombie. I am sure that that was true, but I could not hear anything over the sound of my own retching.
At this point, it was 4:00 in the morning, and both Andrew and I had been forcefully awakened. We grabbed the sheets and my shirt and took them to the laundry room. Everything got washed up nicely, and we were back to our respective beds and sleeping again by 6:00. For that two hour period, Andrew was constantly making jokes about how I was ‘violently ill’ and he even went so far as to draw a diagram on his white board. It pictured me, bent over, with red and blue vomit spewing from my mouth. As far as I know, this image still remains on his white board right now.
I’ll leave out the part of the story where Binkle was disgusted with this very same retelling that I relate to you now, as well as our humorous breakfast adventure. They are not a tale for this time. What I am going to do is explain what I meant by my earlier comments that this coughing -> vomit transition has occurred before. In fact, you’ve heard of one such incident, even if the connection has not been immediately apparent.
In fact, I have suffered such spells for years. The earliest one that I can remember was when I was 10 or 11. It was at my aunt’s house in Brampton, and the fit occurred after I ate some carrot cake before bed. I think I have something wrong with my throat or stomach, because this happens often. Also, have you ever heard of someone having their throat close up whenever they eat a tuna sandwich? It is so strange. It is like food of certain textures clog my throat, and send me into fits of coughing.
I should probably see a doctor.