Consider this a modest appraisal of what you will receive if you own a Nintendo Wii and purchase the newest edition to the Resident Evil franchise, Umbrella Chronicles. If you are not yet a fan of Resident Evil, you are clearly suffering from an undiagnosed brain disorder. Resident Evil was not the first survival horror game, but it is probably the most famous. It is also arguably the only survivor of that first-generation of survival horror games. Despite all of that, Resident Evil has some of the creepiest atmospheres and some of the best B-movie horror writing that I have ever witnessed in a video game. And let us not forget that it has two of my top video game women (Rebecca Chambers and Ada Wong) as well as one of the best video game villains (Albert Wesker).

All that aside, the gameplay of Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles is fantastic. It may just be your traditional light gun shooter, the biggest sell for me was that it exists within the Resident Evil universe. You get to play through the events of Resident Evil 0, 1, a bit of 2, 3, and some completely new scenarios. Some of the unlockable levels were surprising, offering the ability to play as surprising characters like Ada Wong and the always mysterious and cool HUNK. At times, I thought that they had lost focus of what they were doing. However, as soon as you play through Wesker’s levels, you begin to realize how not just Umbrella Chronicles, but every game, has fit into a specific storyline.

The sidestory levels are perhaps the most fun. If you are not a fan of Resident Evil, nothing here will make sense. Stu will get it, and that counts for something. In Umbrella Chronicles, you get to play as Wesker during the events of Resident Evil 0, detailing his actions after he monitors Rebecca and Billy up until the detonation of the Umbrella Management Training Facility. You get to play as Rebecca during the events between Resident Evil 0 and 1, discovering how Rebecca was able to survive without sleep (she actually slept in the servant’s quarters at the Spencer mansion). It details how she met up with Richard Aiken (voiced by Yuri Lowenthal of Prince of Persia and I Love Bee’s fame) and they fight their way up until they meet Yawn, and Richard gets bitten. Some background files also make you pity Richard more than you would when he is eaten by a giant snake (in Jill’s game) or a giant shark (in Chris’ game).

You also get to play as Wesker after he has been impaled by the Tyrant. Yeah. You’ll have to play the game to see how that one pans out. But in Code Veronica, you see Wesker alive…and you knew he survived somehow. Fortunately, Wesker gets a final epic showdown with Lisa Trevor. That bitch just wont die.

You get to play as Ada Wong after Mr. X practically kills her in Resident Evil 2. She has mysteriously bandaged herself, and this process apparently took a day and a half because Ada’s scenario precedes the destruction of Raccoon City (October 1st, 1998), despite the fact that she confronted Mr. X with the assistance of Leon before dawn of Sept. 30/07. I guess she was really injured. HUNK is also playable; his scenario is merely the 4th survivor scenario from Resident Evil 2. It is still hella hard. But HUNK kicks ass. All the time.

Finally, you get to play as Wesker - with newfound super amazing abilities - as he jumps about and kills Tyrants and giant killer beasts single-handedly.

The game is epic. The gameplay is solid. Buy it. Play it somehow. It is really good, and the two player co-op adds an incredible amount of replay. You may hear some reviewers complaining about how difficult it is to get critical hits. This is bullshit. I get critical hits effortlessly. I think they might be aiming for the wrong area. When I began playing, I tried aiming for between the eyes. In my mind, this seemed like the ideal location for a headshot. Not so.

The key spot is the forehead. Aim for the forehead, your crosshair will flash red. Pull the trigger. An explosion of T-virus infected blood is your reward. In the Raccoon City levels, I can get upwards of 60 or 70 critical hits. In fact, in a mission I am playing with HUNK (I saved halfway through) half of my kills are critical hits (the other half are not zombies, and cannot be “critically hit”).

Now, do not let all of my hyping of this game confuse you. It does have its flaws. For example, most zombies will fall to the ground if you shoot their knees. This can be useful if a room is packed. Bring the ones at the front to their knees, and the rest cannot get to you while you blow their brains out. However, you occasionally encounter some sort of super zombie (indistinguishable from any other zombie) who doesn’t seem to care that you shoot him. Blast him in the legs, arms, face, stomach. Riddle him with bullets. He keeps on coming. And then he beats you to death. Not fun. Most zombies grab you and you can shake the Wiimote for a counter attack. Not so with this super zombies. I’m not sure if they are intentional or just the product of some buggy code…but they just wont fall.

I will write a more proper review after I am done with my work report. Please note that this game is entirely worth it. It has enough collectables and replay value to keep you happy for a long time. And it is always a challenge to get an S-rank (the highest score) on each level.

Anyway, I’m going to sign off now. I can only leave you with one more comment, and that is simply that Nemesis looks fucking awesome and is even scarier in this game than he was in Resident Evil 3. His UC appearance also makes up for the pansy Nemesis from Resident Evil: Apocalypse. How can Nemesis “turn” good? He is a fucking mindless killing machine. And he cannot be stopped. They had to kill him multiple times, burn him, kill him some more times, shoot him with acid and other toxic chemicals, then shoot him with an industrial laser the size of a bus, and then they had to nuke the city he was in. But stupid Kevin Anderson (one of my enemies in life) ruined him. He took Nemesis, and he dressed him up in a little tutu and pranced him around Raccoon City like a girl.

Sorry about that. I can never resist the opportunity to bash Kevin Anderson. Fucking douchebag.

Buy Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles, before the dollar plummets and prices skyrocket. Wahoo!