I give up on this whole concept of higher learning.

I’m not cut out for it.

This term, I’m quite confident that I failed both of my first two exams. What is worse is that they were my better courses throughout the term. So, if I did poorly on the likes of Calculus III and Physics, how can I possibly do well on something like Probability (which I know absolutely nothing about).

So, yeah. I cannot do this anymore. I devoted a full week exclusively to studying those two subjects and I did miserably. On Friday I write Number Theory, which I think will go well but - given current trends - I will probably fail it too. Next is Sociology, which is multiple choice and should be a breeze. And finally, Probability. Which will be the final nail in the coffin that is this term.

So…yeah. Given how terrible my marks are, I’m giving up on university. I can’t handle this stress of final exams any longer. I almost threw up in Physics. I was so stressed…I almost threw up. I had to say it again just to emphasize it. I cannot take this. I’m probably going to fail some courses this term and if I’m doing so poorly at the start of my university career, how can I possibly expect to get better as the courses get harder.

No. I can’t keep doing this. So, I’m done. Next term will probably be my last term here. By then, I’ll likely have been kicked out of the Teaching Option because my average is so low, and then there is no point in me being here anyway.

Ugh…

Before I came here, Mr. Smith told my parents during one of those parent-teacher nights that one thing I had to know about the transition from high school to university is that I would go from being a big fish in a small pond to a little fish in a big pond. The problem is, I went from being that big fish to being a retarded fish stranded in the ocean who can only swim in circles. My marks have gone from high-80s and low-90s to borderline passing grades (except for the Arts courses). And I cannot justify a switch into Arts. What the hell do you do with an Arts degree? When I brought this up with my housemates, one of them said, “Hey, the secretary at my dentist’s office has an Arts degree”.

Great. I can resign myself to a life as an administrative assistant. How can this happen? I went from being “the smart one” in my family to borderline failure. I…uh…I just can’t do this anymore. It isn’t worth it handing over thousands upon thousands of dollars that have taken hours upon hours to earn. My life is being flushed down the toilet here. And for what? For what? How can I justify this anymore?

My housemates have all failed courses too. Some of them are dangerously close to being kicked out of the math faculty. I’m not as foolishly optimistic as they are. I’m not going to keep trying to pass the same courses again and again. It isn’t worth it. Nothing is worth this…

So, yeah. Fuck it all. I give up. I throw in the towel. If there is a God, I hope he is happy right now watching me get crushed under the weight of my repetitive failures.