We’ve got my x‘th cousin Denise over for the weekend. She is a 6 month old baby. Whenever no one is around, I repeat mathematical concepts to her over and over again, and before she went to bed I read her Winnie the Pooh.

Babies are cool. I can only hope that some day, I will find a woman who is both beautiful enough to counteract my sordid genes and crazy enough to want to sire offspring with me.