I’ve been exploring the pure, raw power of my Playstation Portable for the past few days, experimenting with the limits it will push in portable gaming innovation. The Internet browser - much to my surprise - was an ingenious little add-in. Yesterday, I caught up on Binkle’s and Caleb’s blog posts from the comfort of my bedroom through the use of my PSP and a wireless router.

This opens up an entirely new realm of uses. For example, Portable Gaming Pornography. If Sony were to release a PGP, with simply an Internet browser, people could carry pornography around in their pocket wherever they go. Bored in church? Turn on your PGP and get more wood than the cross. Tired of waiting in the grocery line? Just whip the PGP out and browse through the Internet archives for “fat man porn” and show it to the people in front of you. You’ll be out of that line in no time.

If only Sony would listen to my marketing strategies, they’d be rolling in the dough.

Moreso, I’ve spent the past three days re-organizing the videos in the place where I work. It has been a real pain. But in that time, I’ve picked out three films I figured I might enjoy. Tonight, I watched Crash. It was amazing. Tomorrow, I’m going to watch the Final Cut (probably not as good as One Hour Photo, but I’m going to give it a try). After that, Young Frankenstein. Should be pretty wicked.

I’ll right a more substantial update when I’m not tired.

Opening the box was truly a wonderous event. Examining the package carefully in the dim monitor light, I slowly peeled it open to spill forth its precious contents. First, I removed the adapter. Then, the headphones. The glorious 1000MB Memory Stick Duo. It was sleek and black. Framed in gold. It was a valuable commodity. Already I feared thieves were at my window, looking in on the gift that they could not have.

Finally, the unit itself was unwrapped and unveiled. Breathtaking. The black finish was like gazing into a black hole. No light escaped from the polished surface. The battery was already in place. I activated the system.

It flickered into life. I smiled.

Now, I’m hurriedly trying to downgrade the Firmware on my PSP to get the l33t haxxors.

Shh…don’t tell Sony.

When Josh, Caleb, Andreas (that blogless, unshowered heathen) and myself gathered ceremoniously at Williams Coffee Pub, it was a night of broken dreams.

First of all, Andreas brought with him solely his new PSP, and not his DS. Caleb and I, who had come equipped with DS’ for wireless play, were heartbroken. Or, at the very least I was. Caleb was too engrossed in a world of flashing lights and pretty pictures to think of anything besides the shiny piece of technology Andreas had brought along.

When I was finally able to rip Caleb’s eyesight away from that 7” LCD screen, he and I battled in a Mario Kart Grand Prix of sorts. As victor of the matches (3:1), I immediately acquired bragging rights. I began to haughty demeanour, I offered my ghosts to Caleb to see if he could defeat what was surely pure l33t skills.

He slaughtered my time.

This is because the Time Trials dismiss where my true skill lies. Items. Ask Binkle or Andrew and they’ll tell you I always hit the mark with a green shell in Shine Theft. With items, I’m pro. However, in a Time Trial on Mario Kart DS, only one thing really matters. Power sliding. It involves skidding along the road and igniting something coming out of the back of your car to get an extra kick. Caleb can perform this act effortlessly. After I failed to accomplish it, I abandoned the fundamentally flawed technique.

As a warning to Caleb, I have been practicing. I’ve begun to perfect my technique. When we meet once more on the paved road that winds endlessly through Shroom Ridge, you’d better be prepared for a serious case of ass-whooping.

Fo’ sho’.

Also, Christmas is coming. I’ve contemplated adding a wishlist to my blog sidebar, along with Top Three’s, Currently Playing, and Dates To Look Forward To.

As a final note, with the passing of Christmas comes the always exciting arrival of New Years. I’m wondering if we can pull off a third year. I’ll have to begin collaborating with Caleb to formulate a plan.

• Jordan

My efforts to find a cheap and affordable Sony Playstation Portable Gigapack have been thwarted repeatedly. Today - with good-minded intentions - I travelled to work in the hopes of procuring one such portable console. To my dismay, the cupboard was bare. In desperation, I contemplated purchasing a substandard non-giga pack, only to realize that such an idea was ludicrous.

Dismayed by my loss, I’ve been searching everywhere for the Sony PSP Giga Pack. It was my intent to phone other Zellers stores in the near vicinity of my town asking about the system, unfortunately, I was caught up in boredom and a phone that restricts calls to OUR OWN STORES.

Since arriving home, I’ve compared prices at Amazon.ca, EBGames, and Futureshop. I’ve also contemplated purchasing a non-giga pack, as well as a seperate 1GB Memory Stick Duo. Unfortunately, the cost-benefit is not present in such an instance.

After seeing Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, I was greatly terrified by the blur effects present throughout. The transition between third-person shooting to vehicle usage gave the main character a “matrix dodge” appearance, akin with that of the mightiest of agents. Smith would be proud. Or disgusted. The graphics in Liberty City Stories are decent, but the game feels like a step in the wrong direction after playing San Andreas for so long. Exploring an entire state makes it difficult to transverse the gap to lesser experiences.

Even still, the allure to get the game is unavoidable. Strangely, I am drawn in by the power of the tiny beast. The ability to house the entirety of the music of my beloved Dire Straights, a personalized desktop showcasing Loo-jiggy, and heaps of ROMs is certainly a power worthy of reckoning. Also, even though Liberty City looks murky on the system, the fact that something of such scale has been forced onto a portable console is dumbfounding.

The multiplayer with up to sixteen people also looks pretty awesome. Even still, I may wait before getting a PSP, or refrain from it entirely. There is one thing that speaks against its purchase.

Simply put, I have the Dire Straights on my computer. My desktop already features Loo-jiggy, and I’m neck deep in ROBs. On my PC, I can run GTA3, Vice City, or San Andreas if I desired. Even a Socom game is not entirely out of reach. This begs the question: What can the PSP do that the computer can’t? What selling point will entice me to throw gobs of money away on this machine?

No. I see I have not been thwarted, but saved from making a big mistake.

Just a brief update:

On IGN, 25% of people have claimed some disability in their XBox360, whether it be overheating, unable to read DVDs, scratching disks or what have you. Although the sample is not large enough to cite this as a valid statistic (hence, why I said on IGN), it is still very interesting.

Also, Josh showed this to me. I find it quite humorous how desperate people are for next-generation gaming.

After finishing up my article to rebuke Caleb, I ventured online to see what IGN was saying about the 360 launch. There was nothing spectacular that I didn’t already know, so I went to the “rarely updated with anything of interest” Nintendo section. To my surprise, there was an interesting article written by the staff at IGNintendo (or rather, Matt Casamassina) about whether you should get the XBox 360 or wait for the Revolution. Frankly, the arguements are bollocks.

Of the Top 10 reasons, only one or two is of any real merit in an arguement. The others are complete tripe meant to gorge the appetites of Nintendo fanboys across the globe in a campaign to bolster the ego of their favourite company. As I did with Reggie’s speech, I believe I will venture into each arguement one-by-one: **

10. Limited Funds and Quantities**

There it is: the most obvious reason to stay away from Microsoft’s new console. Ironically, you may have no choice in the matter. Xbox 360 doesn’t come cheap and it doesn’t come easy. The low-end system retails for $299 and the high-end version for $100 more. Add in a second wireless controller, a network adapter, and a handful of games, and the platform could set you back as much as $1,000 smackers. That’s a lot of cash to drop for the so-called high-definition gaming revolution.

Indeed, the XBox 360 is somewhat of an expensive purchase. The PS3 will be even more so. But the price is irrelevant for the people who crave High-Definition graphics on their next-generation system. While the first iteration of games in the XBox 360 library may seem a graphical disappointment, they will surely approach more realistic graphics as time goes on.

The availability of the new Microsoft plaything has been quite an issue as we move into this holiday season, but let us not ignore one thing. The Nintendo Revolution and the Sony Playstation 3 will not be available AT ALL this holiday season. If that is a detracting factor from the X360, perhaps someone needs to look in the mirror and judge Nintendo by the same standard. The fact of the matter is, a holiday launch is not necessary for a system. It merely drives people into a frenzy and gets systems literally ripped from store shelves. Microsoft’s inefficient stock means nothing compared to the potential of the system.

#9. Same Games, Prettier Graphics We don’t want to downplay some of the presentational accomplishments that first generation games have already demonstrated on Microsoft’s new console. Certainly titles like Condemned bring to the table more atmospheric and immersive gameplay environments than were commonplace in the previous round of consoles. And yet, if you’re expecting completely new gameplay scenarios, you’re bound to be in for a disappointment with the 360 selection – at least thus far. The fact of the matter is, all of the Xbox 360 launch titles offer prettier, more realistic graphics, but don’t really play fundamentally different from current generation projects. Perfect Dark Zero, for example, plays a lot like Perfect Dark (N64) with significantly enhanced visuals. Madden 360 plays like Madden, but it looks more lifelike. Are we still impressed? Sure. But is it enough to warrant a new, pricy console? Perhaps not. If you only pick up a console per generation, you might consider waiting to see what the competitors offer. Whether you ultimately choose to go with a PlayStation 3 or a Revolution, you might be better served, and for exceptionally different reasons. PS3 promises more power than 360 and potentially greater visual accomplishments. In contrast, Revolution is set to bring about an entirely new way to play games.

Good call. As graphics strive towards photorealism, the gamers become more and more seduced by the majesty of gaming. Graphical improvement is a must. Just because the next-gen consoles want to paint a prettier picture of gaming doesn’t mean that they are neglecting in-game innovations and excellent storylines.

#8. 360 Doesn’t Have Legend of Zelda We don’t want to dwell on the obvious, but it is an important point, especially since you’re reading a Nintendo-centric channel and not a Microsoft one. Xbox 360 may have a lot of things going for it, but the platform doesn’t have The Legend of Zelda franchise – and it never will. If you want to control series hero Link in an all new home console adventure, you can only do it with Nintendo Revolution. And the same is true for all of Nintendo’s major games, from Mario to Pikmin, F-Zero and Kid Icarus. You can only find them on one next generation platform and it’s not Xbox 360. Considering that millions of gamers have stayed loyal to the Big N through the years simply because they adore these characters and franchises, you’ll definitely want to consider this point when planning your next hardware purchase.

True enough. But the Nintendo Revolution will not have Grand Theft Auto, or Halo, or Project Gotham Racing. So, should I buy the XBox 360 for Halo 3? This point is entirely moot, and they used it three times! (#8, #6 and #2)

#7. Girls and Grandpas Will Play Revolution Not exactly a riveting headline, we know…

Good. Then why didn’t you stop?

#6. Metroid Prime 3

Samus is cool, but consult my rebuttle to #8.

#5. Revolution Will Be a Lot Cheaper

Yes, and the XBox 360 will be pricy and hard to obtain. Wait, wasn’t this number 10?

#4. True Backward Compatibility Microsoft calls Xbox 360 a backward compatible console, but that’s not entirely true. The fact is, hundreds of Xbox games – like The Chronicles of Riddick – cannot yet be played on the company’s latest machine.

The only obstacle to the full backwards compatibility of an XBox 360 is the fact that XBox games need to save onto a harddrive. It is written into their code. So, the XBox 360 can only play XBox games if there is a hard drive in place. For this, you need to buy a Standard system. And, unless you were a fool or unlucky, you should have purchased this anyway. To upgrade the Core system to Standard specs, you’d spend more than the extra 100 dollars it costs to buy the Standard. So, backwards compatibility is no big issue, if you watch what you’re doing with the strictist of observation.

And as far as Nintendo’s online service, there has been no definitive, finalized announcement about the price of the service, server loads, game availability, etc. They’re plugging a feature that has barely been birthed yet.

#3. Revolution is Small, Stylish, and Quiet Xbox 360 may have a stylish design, but the system is neither small nor quiet.

XBox’s have always been designed to have a secondary purpose as solid building material. What else is new? This is one arguement I will agree with though. I appreciate that the Revolution will be small enough to fit on my speaker, but that isn’t a main selling feature.

#2. Super Smash Bros. Online It would have been easy for us to compile this list had we chosen to simply feature a series of inevitable Revolution games. But if given the chance to play Perfect Dark Zero or Mario Kart DS online, we’d choose Nintendo’s racer any day of the week – and it is bound to pale in comparison to the inevitable Revolution version.

Yes. Instead, you did 3/10 entries on the list as Revolution games. And Mario Kart DS online is fun, when you can find people to play against who don’t rape you violently up the ass with their l33t skills. If Nintendo had established a better online service for the DS, I’d be more comfortable with saying that Nintendo Online will be as enjoyable as XBox Live.

#1. The Controller Will Change Everything The Revolution controller (with its accessories) will cater to both the hardcore and casual gamer in ways not possible on Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3. It will enable new and inventive games not possible on other systems. And it will potentially make games better than they have ever been before.

Yes, the ability to realistically chop onions, flip a pancake, paint a wall, or use a hammer with my video game system is certainly appealing. Of course, I could simply go upstairs and make some pancakes with a ham, cheese and onion omelette, followed by some amateur carpentry. Then, at least, I’d have something tangible to show for my efforts.

I’ve complained about Nintendo’s new controller enough for the world to know my feelings.

Although I expect all next-gen systems will have their respective perks, this article about waiting for the Revolution is not founded on any definite fact. Nintendo has kept gamers in the dark about their plans for so long. The truth is, we know nothing about the release date. We know nothing about the major and minor launch titles, or the way new games will work. Any assumptions we make about the superiority of the Revolution is futile conjecture.

Out.