So, SEGA has thrown in its lot with Microsoft and Sony. What does it say for their faith in Nintendo’s new system when Sonic has made the jump to the next-generation power houses, rather than Nintendo’s modest grave marker. I find it strange - and humourous - that this game will be released on Sonic’s 15th anniversary, and it will not be gracing Nintendo’s system.

Didn’t Nintendo shelter SEGA after their company imploded?

Of course. But SEGA knows when a ship is sinking. They vaulted off their dingy onto Nintendo’s crippled battleship. Now, torpedos are cutting through the water and warheads are raining down, so SEGA jumps ship. A wise move. After they’ve escaped the wreckage, perhaps they can put some research into why Nintendo blew itself up.

Although I never intended it to turn out this way, my menial comment at the end of Thursday’s post and Caleb’s subsequent comments are going to evolve into a topic that ties in neatly with the previous title. Before, I was referring to “soul snatching” embodied in Soma Cruz’s “power of dominance” from Castlevania. Now, apparently, I’m referring to “a tale of souls and swords eternally retold”.

Soul Calibur III hit store shelves recently and I am hesitant to pick up a copy. Truth be told, I was never truly a big fan of fighting games. For a seemingly simplistic game involving two people beating the shit out of eachother, there is far too much memorization and co-ordination for combos and other such nonsense in an attempt to achieve the l33test attack.

Another thing that bothes me about Soul Calibur is the complete lack of a cohesive storyline. In Soul Calibur II, Astaroth can be victorious by becoming a God of Destruction, while Necrid takes the evil sword into a void and closes the door behind him. How can two drastically different outcomes come to pass at the same time? They can’t. In fact, judging from the opening movie, it seems that even Siegfried/Nightmare’s ending in Soul Calibur II was inaccurate. Soul Calibur II depicts Nightmare casting Soul Edge into an endless abyss and guarding that abyss for all eternity. However, Soul Calibur III - for the sake of continuing the franchise - has rewritten everything for the sake of being stupid.

Now, although I may dislike Soul Calibur’s gameplay style and lack of cohesive story, there is one thing that I - nay, all men - will agree on. The Soul Calibur universe bears witness to the hottest and most powerful women in the gaming world. The only other exceptions - really - would have to be Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark), Ada Wong (Resident Evil) and Samus Aran (Metroid).

Project Soul seems to design their women to be powerful characters with powerful stories, but also great legs, asses and chestal areas. Shall we make a list: Ivy and Taki - with their F cups; Talim - jailbait cute; Sophitia and Cassandra - two hot Greek sisters with barely a pin holding up those silky robes; Seung Mina and the newest additions of Setsuka (scantily clad Asian babe) and Tira (even more scantily clad jungle babe). It is the latter that I find the most interesting.

Tira - speaking as a complete video game nerd - is in my Top 3 hottest video game characters of forever. Taking a cue from Peter Pan in regards to her attire, she might as well be wearing NOTHING for all the fabric she’s got on her. Plus, she comes with a wickedly sharp circular blade of death that she could use to kick anyone’s ass at anytime of day. She is impressive. So impressive, in fact, that she has become my current desktop background.

Now, while the women become more and more attractive, the male characters become more and more retarded (excluding Mitsurugi and Cervantes). Misturugi has the same bad ass attitude. Cervantes has a wicked gun built into the hilt of one of his swords - and it finally makes a “gun sword” (introduced to the world by a retarded Final Fantasty VIII) look like something interesting. However, the other male characters get increasingly wierd.

For example, Raphael has filled his over-sized closets with the finest in homosexual garments, and he has even hired an expert team of chimps to style his hair in the latest ape trends. In a valiant attempt to top this, Astaroth apparently dipped his entire body into purple dye. Apparently, since God of Destruction didn’t work out for him, he is - instead - aiming high for God of Ultimately Queer. Congrats to you both for being idiot characters.

Well, I’m done ranting and raving. I was going to talk about Mr. Ort, but there is nothing to say. If you know him, you’ll likely understand what I mean when I say he “brings a touch of abusive household to the classroom”. If you don’t know him, consider yourself lucky. Melissa, if you still read this blog, I am going to write you a letter. I haven’t found time nor topic for it yet. Binkle, I am going to phone you…eventually. I also need to return books to the library that have been overdue for two weeks.

As for my final note…

Top Three Hottest Chicks In Gaming: 1. Samus Aran (Metroid, Nintendo) 2. Tira (Soul Calibur, Namco) 3. Rebecca Chambers (Resident Evil, Capcom)

Before I even begin, read this Nintendo announcement.

Interesting closing comments by Mr. Iwata. Apparently, if the Nintendo Revolution fails to outsell the Gamecube (which it will), the console will be considered a “complete failure”. Bloody brilliant.

There are a lot of new businesses opening in town, and as a faithful employee of the Hudson’s Bay Company, I took it upon myself to survey the enemy by exploring the cavernous recesses of EBGames on Monday. The store recently opened in our small and modest mall complex - right across the street from Zellers - and I delved within to unearth their secrets. The enemy was surprisingly well prepared, and my family purchased a total of three games just to escape their foul smelling clutches. My sister - through me - purchased Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life for the Gamecube. My brother - who just received his replacement BlueMetal Sparks Dance Pad - purchased a DDR Mix. And I, looking to find some semblance of purpose for the existence of my Nintendo DS, acquired a copy of Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow.

Castlevania has managed to cleverly revitalize my faith in the Nintendo DS. The decline in quality gaming software is extremely disturbing. There was once a time when I would have to make a difficult decision and decide which game would be claimed under my ownership. Now, those days of wise Solomon decisions have passed. In this present time, it is more important for me to wonder if their is still hope for gaming software. My last three gaming purchases were Castlevania DS, Myst V, and Timesplitters Future Perfect. There are huge lapses of time between these releases. But that is neither here nor there. Nor anywhere.

Before I exploded into a tangent curve, I had come to the realization that Castlevania has single-handedly saved my Nintendo DS from certain destruction. Further information on Children of Mana has thrilled me greatly, and I can only hope Nintendo’s wireless DS service adds a new function of thrilling innovation to the system. Conrad - a guy I work with - continues to prod at me, insisting I purchase a PSP. Unfortunately, there is nothing on the PSP that is appealing any longer. Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories means nothing to me - unless I win the lottery. Unfortunately, some man in Alberta won the record $54 million jackpot last night, so I’ll abstain from a PSP for a while longer.

The DS has rekindled a fond fire within me. My heart beats steadily until the Children of Mana release. Just looking at the screen shots reminds me of my glory days destroying foes with Kevin, Angela and Hawkeye. Oh joy!

I have a second post concerning Mr. Ort, and some questionnable things of note at St. Michaels…but it will have to wait until after work. Off to sell some copies of Soul Calibur 3. Oh, the folly.

Act One: So This Is Social Justice, Mhmm?

The administration at my high school has quite a peculiar talent. It is as if our “principal-teacher”, Dorr-tay, has assembled an inept group of underlings, who all believe themselves to be inspired by the unbending mysticism of Christ. So, to enhance our Catholic experience, they provide us with the most powerful speakers that they can muster from the bowels of the Catholic masses.

Of course, when you get things from bowels of any type, you can naturally expect them to be shit. The recent presentation on social justice was no exception. It was busting at the fecal-stained seams with condescending messages towards part-time employment, as well as big corporations and the human race. Apparently, we all suck major ass. And why shouldn’t we? Only Jesus and God are cool, and we’re lowly peons who wipe the dirt of their feet. It is because of this relationship with God that I question why people cannot be good unless someone who can smite you says so.

The presentation - throughout its duration - was a painful collaboration of social justice messages that we have heard countless times in the past as well as the history of the speakers which nobody needed to nor wanted to be told of. However, if you need filler, I can understand you talking about the only thing you know. Unfortunately for these speakers, their own life stories seem to be the only thing that they can tell with complete accuracy.

If I were to be a crazed militant like Brian, then I would have labelled the speakers as “pinko jackassholes” or something equally condescending. If the average student were to be asked about the experience, they might have told these social justice wynos to spread their smut in some other neighbourhood.

Whenever we get these speakers, I always scoff at three things: 1) That they never cite anything, ever. Apparently, concrete evidence is beneath the average Christian social activist. 2) They don’t understand how the economy works, or how anything works for that matter. They operate in a realm of suspended logic and perpetual naivity. 3) They entertain the idea that their audience is composed of decent, God-fearing Christians.

Normally, I snicker behind the backs of the speakers and rip their arguements to shreds with my good friends at our next gathering. Unfortunately, my friends are all half an hour away, which may not seem an obsessively large distance unless your car was backed into and your license was stolen three weeks later. Bollocks.

Due to the presentations complete lack of credibility, coherency, tact and a decent message, I am writing a length letter to our school minister and our noble headmaster. It is undecided whether the letter will include my name - which could get me harshly removed from Student Council Survivor - or whether I will cloak myself under a veil of anonimity.

After it has been sended, I may post a copy of the letter for the people at home to enjoy. Perhaps I’ll even be forcefully removed from Student Council. Boo yah!

Spilled Java

Look here now!

Three interesting things to read.