The Box Co.

K. Denstedt

This is just a brief update. Apparently, Mr. Denstedt - the man who taught me Calculus and Discrete Math - has injured himself. Bit of information gathered from Travis and Andrew indicate that Mr. Denstedt fell off of a ladder and injured his spine, resulting in brain damage. This brain damage will, unfortunately for the St. Michael’s community, leave him absent from teaching for an undisclosed period of time. Although I am unaware of the severity of the damage, his health may merely be keeping him from teaching, but still allow him to function normally with his family.

This horrible accident will strike a tremendous blow to the community, and it is an incredible loss to the faculty of St. Michaels, of which Mr. Denstedt was one of the best teachers. There is no possibility that I would have received my award for Discrete Math without his constant support, efficient teaching methods, and the pleasant learning atmosphere he provides for all of his students. It is unfortunate that future generations may not be as privileged as I was.

Strangely, as I was driving into work today, my father was playing David Wilcox’ - Do The Bearcat in our car stereo. I always smile when I hear this song because it reminds me of my Discrete Math class. It was a small class - maybe twenty people maximum. Me, Adam, James, Spencer, Brian, Vinnie, Lindsay, Melissa, Andrew, Travis, Helina, Dianne, Geri, Kahn, Erik, Massimo, and Leah. And, of course, Mr. Denstedt. The class was always light-hearted. Mr. Denstedt would teach us, and one of the four guys at the front (Andrew, Travis, Adam or myself) would make wisecracks. Brian and Spencer would always fight about something, and Lindsay would laugh at them and criticize Spencer for being mean to Brian. Dianne was always silent. Melissa would prop her feet up on Andrew’s chair. Kahn, Massimo and Erik existed in their own “fifth year” bubble on the other side of the room.

Adam would, traditionally, always have a song to sing. And, the one he sang most often was “Do The Bearcat”. I’d remember bopping along to the beat as he sang it quietly as well as chuckling every time he would repeat the chorus because he didn’t know the rest.

It was a good class. And I worked hard in it. My goal was to beat Andrew in what was - by reputation - the hardest math course in the school. It was merely a personal goal. No one else cared, not even Andrew. But it mattered to me. The day before the exam, I went into Mr. Denstedt’s classroom to ask what my mark was for the “preliminary exam” we’d held on the last day of school. He informed me that my mark was less than Andrew’s, and I nearly abandoned hope, thinking that there was no possibility of my victory. But Mr. Denstedt wouldn’t have it. He gave a few supporting comments. “Don’t give up yet,” and “You can still get him.”

Well, I went home and studied and the next day I wrote that exam and I conquered it. My mark was higher than Andrew’s mark. The award was assured as mine. In fact, on the day of the presentation, the only thing that kept me from smiling brighter was the fact that my award was not being presented to me by my teacher, Mr. Denstedt.

Mr. Denstedt was a good teacher. He was a constant supporter. He was an inspiration, a credit to his field and it is truly a crime if he is unable to teach any longer. But, needless to say, I now know what to do with my life.

Fun with Abbr.


Act One: WTF is BTS

Anyone who owns a television set, and some sort of connection with the outside world via the invention known as television as undoubtedly seen “Back To School” commercials since school approached its close. Indeed, it is strange how they can barely leave school before they are - apparently - heading right back.

As usual, the Back To School ad campaigns of many stores and companies contain everything that attracts elementary school children; kids dancing and terrible music.

Yet, while my sisters may be distracted by all the pretty colours and shiny things, I can’t help but wonder what happened to children between my time in elementary school and theirs. Culture is creeping backwards towards the womb. Kids who are in Grade 4 are going to late-night movies without parental supervision. Kids in Grade 5 have “boyfriends” and “girlfriends”. All of a sudden we have a new age bracket known as “tweens”.

But, beyond all those things, my biggest peeve always falls into the Back To School campaigns.

For example, consider the new Zellers commercial:

There are kids moving around in a classroom, unpacking their school supplies while some retarded song about a monkey dying plays in the background.

The school supplies consist of staplers, binders, pencils, papers, and the weirdest duo of all: an mp3 player and a cell phone. Let’s consider these two products in the hands of elementary students: What are these doing here? You don’t need these for school.

Simple enough. I’m confused how, in any way, an mp3 player can be considered a useful back to school commodity. Aren’t mp3 players, CD players, and other music devices banned in most schools, or at least discouraged, because it distracts children? Now, Zellers is telling children that it is a “must have” back to school item. These kids will, in turn, whine to their parents. Half of the parents will give in, and buy their kid an mp3 player.

Why? Why? Why?

Now, consider the cell phone. What elementary school student requires a cell phone? Are they going to be on the road a lot? Perhaps, during their arts class, they will have to excuse themselves from making paper-mache masks in order to answer an important business call from the guys in the Washington office. Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but I really think elementary school students and cell phones are an illogical pairing that only Zellers (or WalMart) could devise.

Perhaps I will never understand what fascinates those children so, as the Hudson Bay Company dangles keys in front of their faces to make them squeal like porky infants. Keep throwing away money kids. Your parents will love you for it.

Bring The Popcorn (Part 2)


Act Three: RENT

I’m a big fan of written word, and performance art (within reason). I like movies with a good plot, not giant explosions and sex scenes. I like plays with some semblance of decent writing. I greatly disliked Tennessee William’s “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”. Now, the problem might have simply been Cynthia Dale in the lead role, or perhaps the entire cast was to blame.

No, who am I kidding. That play sucked.

However, more than any movie, play, book, or article, those who know me in person will tell you that Jordan Grant loves a good musical. Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - friggin’ awesome. Jesus Christ Superstar - absolutely bitchin’. Guys and Dolls - can’t get enough of it.

And now, here comes another musical. One that I hadn’t even heard of except whispered rumours and occasional related jokes on The Simpsons.

RENT is a story about eight friends living the Bohemian life in New York City. The cast is comprised of people I’ve never seen before, with the main exception being Rosario Dawson who is - comparable to her role in Sin City - still dressed up in S&M; clothing. Dawson plays Mimi, an HIV+ drug addicted S&M; dancer. Other characters include, Roger, Mimi’s HIV+ drug addicted boyfriend; Mark, the nerdy filmaker who narrates the story; Maureen, Mark’s former lover; Joanne, lesbian lawyer currently dating Maureen; Tom Collins, an HIV+ computer genius; Angel, Collins’ HIV+ drag queen street musician, and Benjamin Coffin III, their landlord.

The story sounds very positive (oh God, I’m going to hell for that pun).

Maureen, Mark, and Joanne walking along a New York City Street.

In the past, I’ve heard nothing about this musical nor the creation of this movie. It is directed by Chris Columbus, a name people might recognize from the first two Harry Potter movies, as well as the first two Home Alone movies. Judging from his past stuff, I would have been hesitant to even glance at this movie.

Tom Collins is embraced by Angel, the drag queen.

But it looks pretty damn good. And, it’s a musical so unless my love of musicals can be tamed, I’m going to be parking my butt in a seat for this flick. Hopefully you will too. Don’t let the Bohemian lifestyle scare you away.

Bring The Popcorn


Act One: Sin City

The day is fast approaching.

On Tuesday, August 16th, the world will be able to go out and purchase Sin City on DVD.

Unfortunately, for avid fans of the series like me, the DVD is disappointing.

According to IGN’s interview with the director, Robert Rodriguez (Spy Kids, Once Upon A Time In Mexico), the upcoming DVD release is strictly a bare bones release. It contains - quite simply - the movies. There is also, if memory serves, a 3 minute expose on the making of the film.

Joy surged into the fray when Rodriguez also announced that a special edition DVD would be released sometime afterwards. It will be comparable to the Extended Editions of the Lord of the Rings. Apparently, Rodriguez - in collaboration with series creator and co-director Frank Miller - actually shot the entirety of the three stories: The Hard Goodbye, The Big Fat Kill, That Yellow Bastard. The Sin City Extended Edition will feature the comics in their entirety, essentially.

Sin City directors Robert Rodriguez (left) and Frank Miller (right) on the set of Kadie’s Bar, the run-down joint where Nancy Callahan (Jessica Alba) makes a living as a stripper.

I had no idea that they actually did this, but it was what I had been hoping for. It is a Sin City fans dream come true. Now, I’m not going to reduce myself to the uber-comic fan who will sit and watch the movie as he flips the pages of his Sin City graphic novel…well…maybe for That Yellow Bastard.

Anyway, the announcement of this extended movie release is extremely exciting. Unfortunately, Rodriguez has yet to set a date for the big day. This means that, for the next few months, I will no doubtedly be living in an unbridled agony perpetuated by the lack of my Sin City DVD.

For the IGN interview with director Robert Rodriguez, click here.


Act Two: It’s time to play the music. It’s time to light the lights.

It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.

Great news. And it comes in a two-pack.

First, the very first Muppets season is coming out on DVD. Second, the Muppet show may return back to television (It’s in the works).

Why am I so excited?

How can you not be excited over the Muppets? I grew up watching these guys, and it was there combination of learning strategies with intelligent humour that shaped who I am today. While I know everyone was probably raised different ways, my comrades in arms during my toddler years were Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, and Gonzo. The Muppets was, undeniably, the best children’s show ever.

Anytime you turn on a television now, you get to see an extinct purple dinosaur dancing around with children in school after hours. Doesn’t that just radiate pedophilia? Barney was one of the earlier generation “let’s all be nice and simple and fun” shows. It didn’t have comedy, as much as it had those painful “life lessons” that they taught.

Follow that up with the Teletubbies. You have a show that, for all intents and purposes, should be making kids dumber, or gearing them to be psychotically unstable. You’ve got four coloured…hell, I don’t know what they are…running around in fields saying incoherent babble. For shame.

Waldorf and Statler

With the DVD set coming out, and the promise of the shows triumphant return to television, children can be raised on the cynical insults of Statler and Waldorf. They can appreciate the piano playing of Rowlf or the extreme rock stylings of Electric Mayhem (where Animal loves to bang the drums). That is some classic television.

Animal gets funky in a John Travolta-esque ensemble.

The Muppets are coming back. I’m so absolutely ecstatic. Finally, the quality of children’s television will jump back up with their return. With any luck, Kermit will take his banjo and kill the Teletubbies (presumably off camera).

Go forth Muppets!

Video Game Violence

Check out some of these links. They are interesting.

I hope to hear more of this “Hot Coffee” scandal and the war on video games as it develops.

New Violence

Ask Dr. Sears - Video Game Violence

Wikipedia - Hot Coffee

Gamespot - Hot Coffee Confirmed

Clinton calls for Federal Game Regulation

Gamespot - Hot Coffee Developments

March Against Rockstar’s New Game, Bully

Violent Video Game Legislation - Leland Yee

Lawmakers Attack Violent Video Games

Games Teach Kids To Kill

The Truth About Violent Youth And Violent Video Games

Grandma Sues Over San Andreas

I find that last article the most amusing. An eighty-five year old woman named Florence Cohen is suing Rockstar for damages inflicted by their misleading representation of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, which she purchased as a gift for her 14-year-old grandson. She claims that the Adults Only material is proof that the company has mislead consumers.

Here’s the thing:

She bought a game rated M for Mature. Mature titles are recommended for children 17 years of age or older. Younger kids can buy them, but regardless, they are cautionned fairly.

Mrs. Cohen knowingly purchased a game that was inappropriate for her grandson, and is now suing because it is slightly more inappropriate than before. Is there any logic in this case?

I can only hope it gets dismissed quickly, if that hasn’t happened already.

Hot Coffee (Part 3 of 3)


Part 3: Wacko Jacko



Act One: Electronic Software Ratings Board


Heard of the ESRB? Anyone who has purchased a video game has seen their ratings, glaring at you from the corners of the boxes and cases. The basic ratings consist of Early Childhood, Everyone, Everyone (10+), Teen, Mature, and Adults Only.

These ratings are pretty easy to spot, consisting of a monochrome square with a single letter emblazened in the center.

The ESRB is a simplistic organization, meant to regulate and enforce gaming ratings. The process in rating a game is fairly simple. A gaming company takes video footage from their most violent/controversial parts in the game, and send it to the ESRB for review. Three reviewers, working independant of the eachother and the gaming community, analyse the entirety of the video and give it a rating. This decides the end rating.

Shortly before release, the company submits the finished product to the ESRB for a complete playthrough, just to be safe. If the ESRB finds something MORE VIOLENT that wasn’t disclosed in the review footage, the gaming company will be fined. Otherwise, the game packaging is submitted for review, the rating is given, and the games roll into stores.

Currently, Jack Thompson is making the arguement that Rockstar defrauded the ESRB by squeezing through that “adult content”. He goes further to condemn the ESRB for not catching it, and questions if they are doing their jobs.

First of all, Rockstar defrauded no one. Second of all, the ESRB are doing a damn good job. Here is the problem with Thompson’s arguement: Based on Rockstar’s duties as a company and ESRB’s obligations as a company, neither did anything wrong. Rockstar gave ESRB footage from the most violent in-game sequences. ESRB reviewed the in-game sequences and gave it a rating.

Here is the thing, the “Hot Coffee” mod was NOT IN-GAME. There is no way to access this mini-game without using: a) an Action Replay device on your PS2 OR b) a downloaded mod on your computer.

From this, it is clear that both companies fulfilled their duties. It is not the fault of the publisher/developer that this content was uncovered. Hell, many of other games have some sort of “added on” adult version. Max Payne 2 has a Mona Sax mod where you play as a nude heroine gunning down mobsters and whatnot. The Sims has a mod that, apparently, adds genitalia. I’m sure, somewhere down the line, Mario will have a mod that shows him in a thong with his hairy chest…

Gross…

But the point is, these mods are not - in any way, shape or form - a product of the developers. Why should they be punished? Granted, I don’t think any of this nudity is much of an issue, unless you are a 10 year olds playing Mature rated games, in which case, your parents are dumb for buying the game.

In addition to the “Hot Coffee” scandal, Jack Thompson has spoken out against the inappropriateness of Killer 7 and The Sims 2. In Killer 7, there is a fully-clothed sex scene that he feels is inappropriate. The Sims has a patch that will remove the blur over the nudity of your Sims.

A character from the cel shaded video game, Killer 7.

Big deal. The Sims 2 are as anatomically correct as Barbie and Ken. Instead of genitals, they have smoothed over body parts. That’s it. Few people care to remove the blur. Jack Thompson overexagerates the situation, and claims The Sims 2 is a breeding ground for pedophiles.

A pizza party turned pillow fight in the EA game, Sims 2.

The entire arguement against video gaming is absolutely bogus. If I were to witness an upstanding young man, with a perfect family, with a perfect life, with no issues whatsoever, who played GTA and shot someone in real life, I’d be inclined to believe. Not wholeheartedly, but I’d wonder what made him snap.

The Washington sniper shootings was - according to Jack Thompson - an act influenced by video games. Apparently, the snipers “trained” using Halo’s God-Mode and Sniper Mode. How anyone can believe this is beyond me…

First of all, in video games, you don’t learn shooting. You push buttons. Moving a joystick and pressing a few buttons is not the same as assembling and using a fully functioning sniper rifle. There is no way that someone can upgrade from a Gamecube controller to a firearm and have no trouble. It’s moronic to assume otherwise.

It is also said that games desensitize people to violence. In GTA, I’ll gladly run over people in a car. In real life, I’m a nervous driver. I always worry about changing lanes, passing, and I’m constantly on the look out to AVOID pedestrians.

Why am I so “violent” in GTA? Because it is fictional! It’s a game! I don’t feel remorse when I kill the pedestrians in GTA for the same reason I don’t feel remorse when I wipe out my friend’s armies in Risk. Not a single shred of the situation is real.

Jack Thompson’s persistance as he tries to undo videogames is frustrating. The select few who can put up with his idiocy and immaturity must truly be men and women of great virtue and patience. Frankly, I’m irritated by it. I might write him an e-mail when I have more time, and can afford to be as verbose as I want (I’m on break).


Act Two: stopkill.com


I don’t really have much to say about this site.

Frankly, I think it is a tad insulting that he piggybacks on everyone’s grief, points the finger at videogames and tries to move up in the world through it. It’s disgusting.

Check it out. E-mail him something tasteful and intelligent if you wish.