Over at Capcom’s website, there are two terrible writers who think that they could create a better storyline for Resident Evil 4. They have a large list of problems, but I will only name a few.

First, the writing style used by both is just terrible. They write in half-assed RPG style that isn’t accepted on most forums. So, every action is surrounded by an asterisk (*) and the dialogue has the speaker’s name and a colon proceeding. Here’s an example of that kind of writing for those of you with poor imaginative abilities:

Jordan went to the fridge and grabbed the milk

Jordan: This milk smells rancid.

Binks looked over

Binks: Indeed.

Binks takes a puff of his pipe

As you can see, it is a difficult style to read and can become very annoying to write with. I don’t know why they are incapable of using standard paragraphs and simple quotation symbols. It isn’t an overly difficult task to use the English language properly. Instead, they have given birth to a hybrid between standard screenplay writing and Internet speak. Basically, they are lacking in cognitive faculties.

The second issue, and this is the major one, is that they have such a terrible storyline. They essentially hated Resident Evil 4, not because the story was bad, but because it didn’t have the characters they wanted in it. So, they begin their version of Resident Evil 4 the same as the released game, and then they remove the character and replace it with Chris Redfield (the one they all love).

It’s retarded. They are all retarded. I was providing a critique of their work on a regular basis. Each critique was two to four pages (and I was being gentle with my comments). Then, they removed the comments page. Apparently, they can’t stand criticism unless it is something to the tune of: “Your work is so amazing. In fact, it’s too amazing, and I find it difficult to admire because you are so superior in your Godliness.”

Anyway, I have received no responses from Capcom or Nintendo, so I will continue to wait it out. I have semi high hopes, but I’m not going to sing from the rooftops before I’m sure of anything.

I will follow this post with another, entirely unrelated post, pertaining more to life…and how I lack the ability to live it.

After following the broken trail created by the links my friend Binks provided, I was able to pursue some leads about writing in the video game industry. It isn’t a very glamourous profession, and very few sites actually provided relevant information pertaining to the career choice, but I was able to track down a few tidbits of information.

On Capcom’s website, on their Frequently Asked Questions page, I discovered what they required from applicants who wished to join the workforce at Capcom USA. They require a degree of some kind in the following categories:

Computer Programming Creative Writing Mythology Computer Graphics/Animation Script Writing Digital Imaging

A few of these categories were of interest to me anyway (namely creative writing and script writing), so I decided to pursue what options were provided to me by Canadian Universities.

And let me say, there wasn’t many. My eyes drifted constantly towards VFS (Vancouver Film School) which offered many programs related to video game development, including a course called “Writing for Film, Television, and Interactive Media”.

My heart jumped at the thought. Unfortunately, when it comes to applying to universities and whatnot, I am a bit of a dunce. VFS has a continuous school year, and a start date for the program is in August, followed by another in January of 2006.

I’m assuming the admission deadline for the August program has long since passed (anyone with better knowledge of the application process than me is free to refute me on this). So, with the idea of writing for the video game industry planted firmly in my mind, I went back to an earlier article submitted to me by Binks.

It mentioned something about making a segue into the business by writing for a video game centric magazine before writing for the actual games. So, with this in mind, I fired off an inquisitive e-mail to Nintendo Power, and I hope for a response some time tomorrow.

My final task in my quest was to contact Capcom. Their FAQs page said:

“The Research and Development Departments, which is in charge of reviewing all Outside Game Submissions, is not accepting consumer game ideas.”

Hastily, I e-mailed them asking what this brief statement encompassed. Whether it was all encompassing of any potential ideas, or whether there were acceptions. I inquired about whether this policy was permanent or temporary. One thing I forgot to ask about was the prospect of freelance writing, a mistake I may regret.

Nevertheless, I am now awaiting two responses that I hope will bring good news. Until then, I think I will resume work on “The Man in the Mirror” while I work out the kinks of Resident Evil 5. I am overflowing with so many ideas that I can’t even focus on my discrete math homework…

Shit…look at the time.

After playing Resident Evil 4, I was struck with an ingenious idea for Resident Evil 5. I’d even thought out all the specifics, and was willing to storyboard it and submit it to Capcom if I could find some sort of contact information.

Unfortunately, this appears to be impossible. They hardly have any contact e-mail addresses (those available provide access to an automated response server or press release service) and their main office is in Japan, down the street from a place called the “Kinki Postal Office”.

I wish I was joking. Anyway, it looks like submitting a story idea to Capcom was a fools dream. This sucks because I read in an article that writers for video games are in demand.

I’ve finally done it. After six exhaustive days of gameplay, I completed Resident Evil Code: Veronica X, as well as Resident Evil Zero and the newest addition to the series, Resident Evil Four.

Absolutely amazing. Each one increased in quality as I continued through the game. The dual control system of Resident Evil Zero was fantastic, and the ability to switch between the characters Billy Coen and Rebecca Chambers was extremely useful.

Resident Evil Four blew my socks off, and then lit them on fire. The game was simply amazing. The controls were reminiscent of Max Payne or Everything or Nothing when it came to movement, but the firing method was interesting. The controls were similar to the other titles. A was the action button, B was to run, R was to draw your weapon. But, with the ability of a laser sight, you could target specific body parts on a Ganado (the new enemies).

If a guy is coming at you wielding a pick axe, you shoot it out of his hand. If he’s running at you with a stick of dynamite, shoot it and it explodes. If you are low on ammo, shoot out their knees and they’ll stumble and then giggle with childish glee as you knife them to death. Another thing quite entertaining in this game, the knife was a decently used weapon. As opposed to other games where your combat knife is quickly discarded, never to be used again, Leon uses his combat knife all the time. Boss fights, self defense, you name it.

By far the most entertaining portion of the game is simply the interactive cutscenes. In a regular cutscene, you just sit there and watch it. Not with Resident Evil 4. To keep the suspense going, you may actually have to dodge attacks in a cutscene. One such encounter with former ally, Jack Krauser, forces Leon to dodge frenzied knife attacks at short notice, or face a fatal cutscene in which he is stabbed in the neck, or his face is sliced open, or he is gutted brutally.

It’s amazing how many ways you can die in that game.

I’ve played it through twice. It’s orgasmic.

Anyway, I’ll try to make sure my next entry pertains to real life, or at the very least, something more interesting.

First, I want to say Binkle was right.

Typical Binkle.

At approximately 12:44 today, I was walking through the hallways of my highschool with Binks when I felt nature call. Not possessing any desire for him to follow me, I branched away from him and went into the hallway with the washroom.

I pushed my shoulder into the door, but it was locked. My head banged against it, and with a disgruntled groan, I trudged away. My bladder was full to bursting. I didn’t want to go into a math test with a full bladder. Suddenly, Mr. Doherty (our school principal) comes onto the announcement with an exciting tidbit.

“There is a water advisory in the city of Stratford, students must remember that…garbled under the sounds of the students in the hallway”

Apparently, shortly before noon today, a truck shipping chemicals to a local carwash hooked its pipe into the water supply pipe instead of the supply tank pipe. How this happens, I can’t even begin to fathom as of yet? Human error? Drunkiness on the job? Poorly labelled pipes? My religion classes at school would enforce me not to seek the placement of blame.

“I feel that this misplacement of chemicals for an establishment of generic qualities was unnecessary because it offends the rights and dignity of humans as well removing them of their capacity for an existence of absolute cleanliness.”

So now, water is being rationed in our town. We are all unsure of how long the advisory will be in effect, but they are scheduled to make an announcement as to the status of the situation at 10:00 AM tomorrow morning.

On the plus side, I don’t have to go to school. On the bad side of things, Fraser and Dean didn’t bring Code Veronica or Zero!!!

God Dammit!!

I’m still waiting on Resident Evil: Code Veronica X and Resident Evil Zero from Fraser and Dean respectively. They kept forgetting, but they both promised that they would bring it on Monday. Consequently, I must work to get three projects done by the end of this weekend, as well as studying for three tests, so that I can be completely work free before March Break arrives.

In a foolish deal with the devil, I have traded my brother use of my Gameboy Advance SP for the purchase of two games, Resident Evil Four and Timesplitters: Future Perfect. He has yet to get Resident Evil Four…he’s not holding up his end of the bargain.

In addition to those startling disappointments, my dad failed to download all the episodes of 24 off of BitTorrent at his work (he can download an episode in an hour, compared to the 12 hours it would take here at home). So, I sit here this weekend with no TV shows, no games, and no friends to do anything with.

This is why, I must do the homework.

I hate so much homework on a weekend.

As a side note, I saw Nicole at school today. This is the first time I have seen her since the end of Semester One. As we passed eachother, we both took a quick glance and kept walking. I should have at least said “Hi.”

Oh well. Looking back is 20/20.