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Part Two: I’ll Kill You To Prove It!

As the Hot Coffee dispute has forced the Electronic Software Rating Board into a federal investigation of some kind. It is difficult to pin-point what the hell is going on, because everyone is providing different information. Gamers are claiming Jack Thompson is doing more ‘evil’ than he actually is. Jack Thompson continues on his adorable escapade to bring down the video game entertainment industry.

Here is what I don’t understand:

Stemming from my mention of the four “camps” in this issue comes a conflict arising between Jack Thompson (seen below left) and rabid gamers (seen below right).

Apparently, gamers who disagree with Mr. Thompson’s ideas are not willing to construct a formal letter asking for him to cease and desist. Instead, they assume that they will gain much more ground in the battle against video game censorship by threatening Jack Thompson’s life.

Brilliant. Please wait while I lather the next phrase with sarcasm.

Your strategy to show video games don’t teach violence by threatening violent action is superb. In fact, why not drive to Jack Thompson’s house? If you physically jam the knife into his backside, he might realise the error of his ways and admit that video games don’t create violent psychopaths.

YOU MORONS!

The best strategy is to show that you aren’t obsessed with video games. Prove that you do have a life. Prove that video games don’t control you. Prove that they don’t harbor violence.

Good God! Whose side are you on?

For all intents and purposes, these “hardcore advocates of video games” should be locked up for working against the cause. It’s ludicrous. Absolutely ludicrous.

Yes, Jack Thompson is a wack job. Yes, he is absolutely wrong in his stance against video games. But NO!, you should not threaten his life.

It is all so mindboggling…

My next post will be longer, and will talk about the role of the ESRB as well as Jack Thompson’s incredibly foolish website, StopKill.

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Part One: Krug News Reporting

This entire “Hot Coffee” issue brought upon the video gaming universe by Rockstar has really unsettled the dust that had been collecting in the brief period of legal stagnation.

Frankly, I’m not surprised. In fact, it has been far too long since the crosshairs of the media’s loaded gun have fallen upon the video game industry. No, I’m not proud of it. I’m not happy for this attack.

In fact, I believe it to be absolutely ludicrous. The entire situation is laughable.

For that matter, some people have gone so far as to make comics pertaining to this sensitive issue. And for good reason. As I said before, the entire ordeal is laughable.

It is difficult to discern what the issue is even about. Are people angry because Rockstar defrauded society by releasing an Adults Only game under the rusted mask of Mature? If that is truly the case (which I hope it isn’t), then the entire conflict is a matter of semantics. Some things worthy of note is that there is only a one year difference between Mature and Adults Only. Mature is “recommended” for people of 17 years. It isn’t required (barring here on Ontario where Manhunt was banned…and no one cared). Adults Only is ONLY for people of 18 years or older.

My God. My God! Think of how much will change in that one year. All those unsuspecting seventeen year olds will walk through a year of life, and become fully prepared for the pixelated bosoms that await them in this pristine Adults Only title.

The noble endeavors of the comic crusaders at VGCats and Penny Arcade have not been met with a lot of enthusiasm. Noticeably, VGCats creator Scott Ramsoomair has received a string of e-mails from none other than the crazed crusader himself, Jack Thompson.

Here is the string of e-mails sent between the two of them. Please notice how Mr. Thompson, the distinguished Florida lawyer, reduces himself to childhood insults. You might question if it is really him, but Scott checked. It’s the real deal.

After reading the e-mails, one might feel that Jack Thompson has a few crucial components rattling around in the interior. There is the possibility that sanity - in the hope of remaining untainted - has abandoned the lawyer and escaped into the shadowy recesses of El Salvador. Strangely, Jack Thompson doesn’t miss sanity. In fact, he relishes its absence so much that he kicked logic out of his head as well. It was last spotted buying a cottage out in Halifax. It seemed content with the new living arrangements.

Indeed, this whole ordeal has led to a clashing of four parties. The first category encompasses the rationalist gamers. This group ranges anywhere from the guys at IGN to Scott Ramsoomair to myself. We have taken note of the “Hot Coffee” scare, and are doing our best attempts to intelligently push through it.

Moving on both a parallel cause and a damaging course are the irrational gamers. These are the folk of the forums who have been seen spouting strings of “Jack Thompson is a fuckhole”. Of course, there might be leetspeak in some of their insults. Many of them e-mail Thompson and counterproductively threaten his life. Genius gentleman. A perfect way to show the world that video games don’t birth violence in youth. You deserve a round of applause. Morons…

The third group are the “holier than thou” crusaders who have been marshalled into being by Jack Thompson. They consist of the dying breed of religious-type do-gooders who can’t see the world in its true form through the stain glassed “virtue veil” that they all wear. These are the people who cannot see the nitty-gritty parts of the world. They ignore the harshness of poverty, murder, rape, etc and yet still try to “work against it”.You have to know what the animal looks like before you can find it and cage it people. Jaysus.

The fourth group are the politicians. These are the obvious groups on parliament hill who bend and sway according to popular opinion. They seem to ignore research conducted by scientists, that show video games: i)improve hand-eye coordination and ii) encourage creativity in youth. But, whatever leads to re-election.

In this first part (of III), I’ve outlined the conflict between the Do-Gooders and Rationalists. In the next two posts, I’m going to talk about other conflicts between these four enemy camps.

This “Hot Coffee” issue may not end gaming, but it is certainly going to royally screw things up.

• Granite

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Act Only: Look At This!

Okay, well, I’m just wasting time while computers image.

Here are some celebrity look-a-likes…since I don’t have pictures of the people I know, you are required to know who they are.

Adam S. looks a lot like Paul Walker.

The instance in which I discovered this resemblance was in the movie “She’s All That”

Amanda C. looks a lot like Jessica Alba.

If you don’t see it…what the hell!

Dianne M. looks a lot like Maria Pitillo.

I saw her on Friends, and the connection was established. She was playing a social worker sent to establish the quality of Chandler and Monica’s parenting.

Andreas S. looks like DJ Quall.

Watch the New Guy. It is absolutely Andreas.

Andrew looks like this guy.

He probably has a name…I just don’t know it.

That’s all for now, in my celebrity comparisons.

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Act One: Conestogo

On Friday, I was in a little place called Conestogo (near Elmira) attempting to image computers at a school aptly named Conestogo. Now, last year, my assignment was strictly imaging schools in the Waterloo area. Sandowne, Lexington (where I am right now), Keatsway, Prueter, etc. They were all nice schools. They smelled normal. I liked those schools.

But, the week I returned from the cottage, I was condemned to a vile prison of country schools with the co-worker designated as “Rose”. These schools are all so bizarre. They are often hybrid buildings; Conestogo was a combination of an 150 year old structure, a 50 year old structure and a ten-year old structure. While moving from one section to another, the difference was apparent. The new section was crisp and clean (although it didn’t smell it) while the old section looked like Resident Evil 2. Truly I tell you that I expected a door frame to rattle and smash open as I passed by. The virus is spreading.

And I wouldn’t doubt the existence of zombies SOMEWHERE in that building. It is so old and there are pathways that lead everywhere. The basement is a labyrinth of dusty halls and utility rooms. What is worse is that the whole building, old and new portions alike, smell like manure.

Conestogo is a gathering point for country students, and naturally smells of their animals…excrements. As all of us know, country children have their recreational activities in utter filth.

Of course, the elementary school kids probably bathe every other day, so should I expect much?

The worst things of all (yes, beyond the age, smell and zombies) is the dust. The computers are covered with so much filth that they have developed their own cultures. While attempting to clean off brown dust (we’ll call it that, for my sake), I found that I was merely moving it around in one large clump on the eMac. I took a more drastic strategy, only to hear a cry of the oppressed dirt-goers on the eMac’s outer shell.

Delving into their society, I discovered that these were a foolish race of miscreants who congregated around the divine “Apple” emblem emblazened onto their hometown. They proclaimed it as a diety, and I was fortunate enough to partake in a static cling ritual.

The dirt and grime was inescapable. It draws you in, makes you ill, and you become one of them.

Frankly, I’m convinced that the school is not empty because it is summer, but the dirt has - in fact - consumed all of the children. The creator has been vanquished by the creation. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park) will surely be flipping about this.

“God creates Dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates Dinosaurs.”

Well, that’s all for now. I just figured I’d post something on my blog during my lunch break.

Hopefully all my readers (makes it sound like there is a lot) will return to their place of pilgrimage.

On a side note, I’ve noticed a lot of people I know from school who look like actors or actresses I’ve seen on TV.

I need to track down some pictures and stage a comparison. It will help me see if anyone else believes my crackpot ideas.

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Act One: For The Love of God!

Well, after my father refused to aid me in my quest for the perfect website, I was left with nothing but some dusty O’Reilly books to help me. After reading a few chapters of their Javascript edition, I felt less intelligent.

I’m not sure if it is me or not, but the books don’t seem to teach you anything. They seem to advertise the basics without telling you how to accomplish them.

There was a brief tutorial about how Javascript can create a simple program to calculate your taxes (although it strongly recommended not using it). Basically, the chapter said:

Javascript works. Javascript can be used to make a tax calculator. Here is the code for a tax calculator. Here is it working on a computer. The End.

Well, thanks. Now…what if, per chance, I am not interested in making a tax calculator but, in fact, would prefer to make a simple Javascript menu bar to highlight the “Home”, “News”, “Council”, “Blog”, and “Forums” portions of my modest site.

No chapter on it. I guess I’m out of luck.

My point is, the book doesn’t teach me the meaning of anything. It just says that Javascript works…and shows it working.

So, if anyone has any website skills (Josh, Binkle?) can you please help me?

Please?

I’m begging? Groveling? Kissing your feet? Come on! Do you really want me kissing your feet? I’ll stop if you help me!

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Act Two: Dream On

I’ve had two peculiar dreams lately. Well, let’s call them weird.

The weirdest thing wasn’t that they occured consecutively. No. That is something I can understand.

The weirdest things is that they don’t make sense.

My dreams normally consist of two things:

Jordan sees people he knows, and falls into oblivion. Jordan is in a dark place and is killed by something.

That’s about it. That is the norm.

That has changed.

First Dream:

I pull up in an SUV to some sort of restaurant. It appears to be some sort of fancy gala, with big pillars and spotlights and stuff.

I go inside, and it is a small restaurant with five tables positioned around a pillar. The first table has two people at it: Cory and Dean. Cory is wearing his kilt ensemble and Dean is looking glum.

–As a side note, a chipmunk is running through the computer lab as I type this.–

To make Dean laugh, for whatever reason, I pretended to trip and stumble. No response from him. So, I move on.

The next table I sit at is a really large table. It’s round, and mostly empty except Binkle who is seated opposite me. Travis is sitting in a chair beside Binkle but is further from the table. Binkle, sitting in his chair, waves his arms in some peculiar fashion (like Quagmire trying to entertain the Griffin kids in Family Guy).

Travis then points behind me.

I turn and sitting at a table (also almost empty) is Monica Van Schaik and some other girl who I can’t see clearly. Monica starts talking to me. I make her laugh by saying something witty (I don’t know what). Then, the other girl elbows Monica and tells her to stop talking to me. Monica turns up her nose at me and looks away.

END DREAM

Pretty bizarre. I wonder if it means anything. I should see a shrink.

Second Dream:

I’m standing in a small field across from my house (such a field does not exist in reality).

Most of our graduating class is present. We’re all screwing around and generally doing nothing.

At the moment, I’m talking to Melissa. Well, “talking”. I never actually choose what I say in my dreams. It plays out as if it is a movie.

Then, all of a sudden, someone tells me there is a phone call.

I go over to some bleachers (which were not present before) and answer the phone. It is a friend of Melissa who says he is in jail. He wants my help with something (presumably to get him out of jail) but he talks so slowly he can’t get his plan out at any convenient rate.

As I sit on the phone, more and more people gather around me.

Across the street, in front of my house, I see Ben M. chasing Dianne into my backyard. I hang up the phone, and for a brief second, I feel guilt but then I press on. I run across the street and into my backyard. There is a fence surrounding my pool area (but the pool is gone).

I “tell” Ben to get the hell out of my backyard and notice Dianne climbing over the fence to the otehr part of my backyard. I jump over to find her, and she is sitting at a desk facing my house. Strangely, she is wearing a top hat. Confused I say something to the effect of, “Well this is a new look for you. If I didn’t like you so much, I’d find this weird.”

I tap her top hat, and the dream ends.

I have no idea what the hell it meant, but the weird thing is, my final comment to Dianne was the first time that I’ve controlled what I said in a dream.

I’m becoming master of my subconscious.

Master of my domain.

And Melissa got what she want. I had her in one of my dreams.

What does this all mean?

Is anyone a psychologist?

Well, that’s all for now. I’m just writing these dreams down because I enjoyed them and don’t want to forget.

Later.

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Act Finale

Tonight, my grandfather was over for dinner.

Tomorrow is his eighty-second birthday.

As I approached the table for dinner, my grandfather made some insulting joke about how I was taking ample portions.

Throughout the meal, I was silent and sullen.

After the meal, my father approached me in the basement and told me that my behaviour was rude. I found this surprising since this happened last time he made an insulting comment. However, during the previous instance, I snapped at him and told him off.

Needless to say, I was confused about how my dad could be angry because I showed restraint.

Nevertheless, words were exchanged. My father now refuses to help me make the Warrior Council website, so I’m going to have to whip something together.

My father also revealed to me that I’m a horrible person, essentially.

Due to a lack of zeal for anything in my life at the moment, I’ve decided to abandon my blog. There is no significant loss here, since I have nothing interesting to post about and there has never been anyone here to read. The highest readership I’ve had was five, and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost one or two as a result of apathy.

Oh well.

We’ll always have the net.